Sorry folks - if you keep coming back to this page and finding nothing new (firstly congratulations for your patience!), it's because I am in the process of moving my blog over to my website. I am still messing with it and figuring out how it all works, but the plan is to get back to regular blogging soon.
So, come on over to see me at www.donnaonthebeach.com
Don't forget to leave me a comment to say you've been by!
Love
Donna.x
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
MIA
Hello lovely readers!!! I am sorry, I have been missing in action a lot this month - just busy busy busy! A million and one ideas which never got made into blog posts...what a waste!!
The big highlight this week was the V festival in Staffs - Mud, Music, Rain, Sunshine, Mud, more Music and temperatures November would be proud of - BRILLIANT! It's wonderful when you can get into a situation where you are purely in the moment, oblivious of past, future, worries and stresses. And I was fully in that place during the headline act - Muse - totally present.
So present in fact that I lost my voice entirely! So when was the last time that you enjoyed being totally present and in the moment? Or are you too busy worrying about the past or the future? Put yourself in a situation where you can just be in that moment...you don't have to have the mud and the rain if you don't want to!
Love
Donna.x
The big highlight this week was the V festival in Staffs - Mud, Music, Rain, Sunshine, Mud, more Music and temperatures November would be proud of - BRILLIANT! It's wonderful when you can get into a situation where you are purely in the moment, oblivious of past, future, worries and stresses. And I was fully in that place during the headline act - Muse - totally present.
So present in fact that I lost my voice entirely! So when was the last time that you enjoyed being totally present and in the moment? Or are you too busy worrying about the past or the future? Put yourself in a situation where you can just be in that moment...you don't have to have the mud and the rain if you don't want to!
Love
Donna.x
OnTheBeach - You Should Do This Challenge
- A note from Donna -
As you read this, I will most likely be asleep - even if it's afternoon in the UK - yes, I am that lazy…but I have a good reason this time. Yesterday (if you're reading this on Monday) I went to the V festival! I am so ridiculously excited about this - my favourite band are headlining, and I haven't done the festival thing for a couple of years so the anticipation is HUGE! I do remember from years gone by though that even one day at a festival requires a massive lie in. So that's what I'm probably doing…maybe I should get up and work, it being Monday…but I am SO not doing that! Hazah!
- You Should Do This Challenge -
What should you be doing? Instead of reading this? Instead of relaxing? Instead of having a nice weekend? Instead of enjoying your life? Possible answers: working; doing chores; visiting family; making things happen. "Should" really is a cruel word. It manages to make you feel guilty, lazy, unsuccessful, and bad about yourself in just 6 letters. It's quite an achievement actually how bad "should" can make you feel, without trying.
Of course, it isn't the word's fault, it is the way we wield a 'should' - we use it as a weapon against ourselves. Try it - think of 5 things you should be doing or have done. Feel good about any of them? No, thought not. In fairness, as a weapon to make yourself feel like shit, it is enormously effective. But I'm guessing that as you're reading this newsletter, feeling like shit isn't high on your list of priorities?
If it is…what are you thinking??? I've long thought that in place of "I should" should be "I should but I'm not gonna" because most of the time shoulds are made up of things you don't want to do. After all, if you wanted to do them, you would be! There would be no need to should on yourself. You may be getting the sense from this that I am not a big fan of the word 'should'!
I don't mind it in some uses, but when it is used by someone to beat themselves up over what they have not done (and probably will not do), it drives me into a furious frenzy. It is not motivating to go through a list of all the things you 'should' do; it is never good when 'I should be doing the ironing instead of healing' is the main thought in someone's mind; and it is tragic when someone uses a should to stop themselves enjoying their life.
Please, for me, just for this week, don't use "I should"…replace it with "I want to" and enjoy your life. Life's too short to make it 'shouldy'.
- Something To Play With -
Your challenge this week is to erase the phrase "I should" from your vocabulary. Every time you catch yourself saying it (and if you're like my clients, this could be a hundred times a day!!), stop and replace it with "I want…" For example "I should be working" "I want to go and enjoy the sunshine" or "I should be doing chores" "I want to go to the pictures". The world won't end…and you might even enjoy yourself! Want to share your thoughts on this article? E-mail me. I love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails.
As you read this, I will most likely be asleep - even if it's afternoon in the UK - yes, I am that lazy…but I have a good reason this time. Yesterday (if you're reading this on Monday) I went to the V festival! I am so ridiculously excited about this - my favourite band are headlining, and I haven't done the festival thing for a couple of years so the anticipation is HUGE! I do remember from years gone by though that even one day at a festival requires a massive lie in. So that's what I'm probably doing…maybe I should get up and work, it being Monday…but I am SO not doing that! Hazah!
- You Should Do This Challenge -
What should you be doing? Instead of reading this? Instead of relaxing? Instead of having a nice weekend? Instead of enjoying your life? Possible answers: working; doing chores; visiting family; making things happen. "Should" really is a cruel word. It manages to make you feel guilty, lazy, unsuccessful, and bad about yourself in just 6 letters. It's quite an achievement actually how bad "should" can make you feel, without trying.
Of course, it isn't the word's fault, it is the way we wield a 'should' - we use it as a weapon against ourselves. Try it - think of 5 things you should be doing or have done. Feel good about any of them? No, thought not. In fairness, as a weapon to make yourself feel like shit, it is enormously effective. But I'm guessing that as you're reading this newsletter, feeling like shit isn't high on your list of priorities?
If it is…what are you thinking??? I've long thought that in place of "I should" should be "I should but I'm not gonna" because most of the time shoulds are made up of things you don't want to do. After all, if you wanted to do them, you would be! There would be no need to should on yourself. You may be getting the sense from this that I am not a big fan of the word 'should'!
I don't mind it in some uses, but when it is used by someone to beat themselves up over what they have not done (and probably will not do), it drives me into a furious frenzy. It is not motivating to go through a list of all the things you 'should' do; it is never good when 'I should be doing the ironing instead of healing' is the main thought in someone's mind; and it is tragic when someone uses a should to stop themselves enjoying their life.
Please, for me, just for this week, don't use "I should"…replace it with "I want to" and enjoy your life. Life's too short to make it 'shouldy'.
- Something To Play With -
Your challenge this week is to erase the phrase "I should" from your vocabulary. Every time you catch yourself saying it (and if you're like my clients, this could be a hundred times a day!!), stop and replace it with "I want…" For example "I should be working" "I want to go and enjoy the sunshine" or "I should be doing chores" "I want to go to the pictures". The world won't end…and you might even enjoy yourself! Want to share your thoughts on this article? E-mail me. I love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails.
OnTheBeach - Bitch Slapping vs Back Slapping
- A note from Donna -
Due to an exhilarating mix of work, procrastination, memory-loss and long lazy lunches, I am writing this on a Saturday night in the ad breaks between NCIS! It's fortunate that I have so much practice writing these newsletters quite quickly and that the ad breaks are so long! Not long enough for me to write an epic, so this week's a half cup. Enjoy!
- Bitch-Slapping Versus Back-Slapping -
So when was the last time you praised yourself? When did you last shout about your achievements? When did you last give yourself a big slap on the back for a job or a life well done? Seriously, when was the last time? And when was the last time you gave yourself grief for getting something wrong? When was the last time you put yourself down? When was the last time you were mean to yourself? Seriously, when was the last time? You don't even have to have done it out loud to someone else - inside your head counts too.
I'm guessing that you did the last one more recently than you did the first. Particularly in Britain, we are enormously good at self-deprecation. It's a skill! We hate to be seen as arrogant, so we go far too far the other way into the underworld of self-deprecation. Like most skills though, the self-deprecation skills can be transferred. What if you were to use those skills of observation, clarification, exaggeration and repetition to back-slap yourself rather than bitch-slap yourself?
What are you good at? What are you proud of? What did you do well? What are your best qualities? Instead of replaying the record which tells you what you're crap at, what you're ashamed of, what you did badly, your worst qualities, change the record and give yourself some credit for once. You're worth it!
- Something To Play With -
Big up yo'self this week - you don't have to become an arrogant arse, in fact, you don't have to tell anyone else at all. But I do want you to increase your self-belief by talking yourself up - just in your own head will work just fine. Stop hiding your light under the proverbial bushel, and start shining. Want to share your thoughts on this article? E-mail me. I love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails.
Due to an exhilarating mix of work, procrastination, memory-loss and long lazy lunches, I am writing this on a Saturday night in the ad breaks between NCIS! It's fortunate that I have so much practice writing these newsletters quite quickly and that the ad breaks are so long! Not long enough for me to write an epic, so this week's a half cup. Enjoy!
- Bitch-Slapping Versus Back-Slapping -
So when was the last time you praised yourself? When did you last shout about your achievements? When did you last give yourself a big slap on the back for a job or a life well done? Seriously, when was the last time? And when was the last time you gave yourself grief for getting something wrong? When was the last time you put yourself down? When was the last time you were mean to yourself? Seriously, when was the last time? You don't even have to have done it out loud to someone else - inside your head counts too.
I'm guessing that you did the last one more recently than you did the first. Particularly in Britain, we are enormously good at self-deprecation. It's a skill! We hate to be seen as arrogant, so we go far too far the other way into the underworld of self-deprecation. Like most skills though, the self-deprecation skills can be transferred. What if you were to use those skills of observation, clarification, exaggeration and repetition to back-slap yourself rather than bitch-slap yourself?
What are you good at? What are you proud of? What did you do well? What are your best qualities? Instead of replaying the record which tells you what you're crap at, what you're ashamed of, what you did badly, your worst qualities, change the record and give yourself some credit for once. You're worth it!
- Something To Play With -
Big up yo'self this week - you don't have to become an arrogant arse, in fact, you don't have to tell anyone else at all. But I do want you to increase your self-belief by talking yourself up - just in your own head will work just fine. Stop hiding your light under the proverbial bushel, and start shining. Want to share your thoughts on this article? E-mail me. I love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails.
Monday, August 04, 2008
Don't Let the B's Grind You Down
My parents have a saying "Don't let the b*stards grind you down" - and there are times when this is the most pertinent advice that can be given! Because this is exactly what happens if you're not vigilant - years and years of criticism, minor annoyances and unsupportiveness can just grind down your good humour and confidence. Don't let the b*stards grind you down.
How do you stop them??? Well, trying to stop anyone else doing anything is an exercise in futility! So here's what you can do: don't take it on. Don't give away your power to someone else. Don't allow other people to put you down. They can say the words, but if you don't listen, those words have no power alone. Words can be like acid, corroding and eating away at you…but not if you don't take it on.
Put it this way, if someone called you a blueberry, how much would you take that on board? How much would you allow that to hurt you? How much would you repeat it and keep hurting yourself with it? I am hoping you are saying 'not at all'!! But if they call you 'stupid' or they criticise you or are unsupportive, that's exactly what we do - we take it as gospel, we allow ourselves to be hurt by it, we repeat it to ourselves and others and pick the scab off the hurt so much that we are scarred by it.
Funnily enough, when we get a compliment, we don't give that the same amount of energy and care! Interesting how we're more prepared to think the worst of ourselves eh? Anyway, we're talking about not letting the b*stards grind you down. Here's what I do when faced with an insult, a criticism, an annoyance, "feedback": I look at it objectively (once I've calmed down if it riled me!) and try to see their point of view. If they have a point, I take it as welcome help to improve - then I let it go. If they don't, I just let it go.
Notice that I do get riled (oh my god, I'm HUMAN! Shock horror) - but I don't give them the power to ruin my whole life! It is just a point of view, just a moment in time, just something given (often thoughtlessly). One person telling you that you are wrong does not make you wrong 100% of the time! So stop taking on this stuff - know yourself better, have confidence in yourself, and instead of repeating the bad stuff, repeat this like a mantra: I know that you are amazing, intelligent, worthy, wonderful and a really good laugh. Don't let anyone tell you different!
- Something To Play With -
Notice what you do when someone annoys, criticises or insults you. Do you shrug it off and move on? Or do you chew over old soup until you make yourself sick on it?? For this week, experiment with only repeating to yourself the nice things people have said to you - keep chewing them over, you'll find they taste a lot better! Want to share your thoughts on this article? E-mail me. I love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails.
How do you stop them??? Well, trying to stop anyone else doing anything is an exercise in futility! So here's what you can do: don't take it on. Don't give away your power to someone else. Don't allow other people to put you down. They can say the words, but if you don't listen, those words have no power alone. Words can be like acid, corroding and eating away at you…but not if you don't take it on.
Put it this way, if someone called you a blueberry, how much would you take that on board? How much would you allow that to hurt you? How much would you repeat it and keep hurting yourself with it? I am hoping you are saying 'not at all'!! But if they call you 'stupid' or they criticise you or are unsupportive, that's exactly what we do - we take it as gospel, we allow ourselves to be hurt by it, we repeat it to ourselves and others and pick the scab off the hurt so much that we are scarred by it.
Funnily enough, when we get a compliment, we don't give that the same amount of energy and care! Interesting how we're more prepared to think the worst of ourselves eh? Anyway, we're talking about not letting the b*stards grind you down. Here's what I do when faced with an insult, a criticism, an annoyance, "feedback": I look at it objectively (once I've calmed down if it riled me!) and try to see their point of view. If they have a point, I take it as welcome help to improve - then I let it go. If they don't, I just let it go.
Notice that I do get riled (oh my god, I'm HUMAN! Shock horror) - but I don't give them the power to ruin my whole life! It is just a point of view, just a moment in time, just something given (often thoughtlessly). One person telling you that you are wrong does not make you wrong 100% of the time! So stop taking on this stuff - know yourself better, have confidence in yourself, and instead of repeating the bad stuff, repeat this like a mantra: I know that you are amazing, intelligent, worthy, wonderful and a really good laugh. Don't let anyone tell you different!
- Something To Play With -
Notice what you do when someone annoys, criticises or insults you. Do you shrug it off and move on? Or do you chew over old soup until you make yourself sick on it?? For this week, experiment with only repeating to yourself the nice things people have said to you - keep chewing them over, you'll find they taste a lot better! Want to share your thoughts on this article? E-mail me. I love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Museums of poverty
"One day our grandchildren will go to museums to see what poverty was like."
-- Muhammad Yunus
founder of the Grameen Bank & 2006 Nobel Peace Prize Laureate
In an e-mail from Rebecca Fine of www.scienceofgettingrich.com I received this quote. Isn't that the most wonderful idea? That our granchildren would not be able to see poverty in the world, that they'd be able to learn about it only by reading and seeing historical images! Do you believe in the possibility of a better world? Is that what you want? Is that what you are working towards?
Believe that little old you can't make a difference? Here's another quote for you: “If you think you're too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.” Betty Reese (American officer and pilot) There are billions of people on this planet - if even a small (millions) proportion of them are working toward this future, it can't help but happen! Are you pulling with us?
Peace, abudance and love to you
Donna.x
-- Muhammad Yunus
founder of the Grameen Bank & 2006 Nobel Peace Prize Laureate
In an e-mail from Rebecca Fine of www.scienceofgettingrich.com I received this quote. Isn't that the most wonderful idea? That our granchildren would not be able to see poverty in the world, that they'd be able to learn about it only by reading and seeing historical images! Do you believe in the possibility of a better world? Is that what you want? Is that what you are working towards?
Believe that little old you can't make a difference? Here's another quote for you: “If you think you're too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.” Betty Reese (American officer and pilot) There are billions of people on this planet - if even a small (millions) proportion of them are working toward this future, it can't help but happen! Are you pulling with us?
Peace, abudance and love to you
Donna.x
Monday, July 28, 2008
OnTheBeach - I Am Where I Am and Where I Am Needs No Excuses
- I am where I am and where I am needs no excuses -
My apologies for both stealing and changing the words of a well known cheesy choon. It's usually 'I am what I am' but today I want to talk about where you am. Where you are in your life specifically. I suspect that wherever you are, you'd quite like to be somewhere else - relationship wise, career wise, even geographically. That's natural, it's normal because part of what makes us human is our desire to grow, evolve and change.
Trouble is that because you'd quite like to be somewhere else, where you are now gets a bad rap. We often think that life will be better when we're richer, thinner, live somewhere else, have more stuff or more power…but often all that changes is that we get a bit richer, thinner, live somewhere else, have more stuff or more power. Somehow life doesn't get better. So when we are unhappy, we believe that where we are is to blame in some way.
Now don't get me wrong, I am not advocating staying put in a rubbish situation. But I do advocate being at peace with where you are, even enjoying where you are to whatever extent you can. Why? Well, first of all you are where you are in life…and you'll likely be there for the next few minutes at least - maybe even the next few days, weeks or months. So why not find a way to let it be ok to be where you are? You've got to be there anyway! Resisting reality is a sign of insanity - it drives you crazy! That resistance is a BIG part of why you feel so bad. Stop fighting the reality of where you are right now.
Secondly, where you are is part of your journey - if you are not totally loving where you are right now, it is helping you to get more clarity about where you'd like to be. This is a VERY GOOD THING! Most of us look at this contrast between what we want and what we have and get depressed, but actually if you didn't have 'this' how would you know you want 'that'? For example, every rubbish relationship you ever had brings you to a closer understanding of what you really want in a partner, and this experience helps you sort the wheat from the chaff.
Thirdly, contrary to popular belief, bemoaning, criticizing and denouncing where we are does not help us to move on. It actually undermines our confidence, keeps us stuck and makes the situation even worse! Years ago I was in a job I hated and I wanted to leave for 3 years…but when I came to terms with the fact that for now, I was there and I needed to start making the best of it, I decided to leave. Within a month! If you're feeling ok with where you are, you're in a great position to move with ease to the next phase of your life - and worse case scenario, you are where you are and that's ok!
- Something To Play With -
Think about a situation in your life that you'd like to change. Now find 5 things about that situation that are actually good. Now find 5 more. Keep doing this for a few weeks and notice how your resistance lowers and your confidence rises. Want to share your thoughts on this article? E-mail me. I love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails.
My apologies for both stealing and changing the words of a well known cheesy choon. It's usually 'I am what I am' but today I want to talk about where you am. Where you are in your life specifically. I suspect that wherever you are, you'd quite like to be somewhere else - relationship wise, career wise, even geographically. That's natural, it's normal because part of what makes us human is our desire to grow, evolve and change.
Trouble is that because you'd quite like to be somewhere else, where you are now gets a bad rap. We often think that life will be better when we're richer, thinner, live somewhere else, have more stuff or more power…but often all that changes is that we get a bit richer, thinner, live somewhere else, have more stuff or more power. Somehow life doesn't get better. So when we are unhappy, we believe that where we are is to blame in some way.
Now don't get me wrong, I am not advocating staying put in a rubbish situation. But I do advocate being at peace with where you are, even enjoying where you are to whatever extent you can. Why? Well, first of all you are where you are in life…and you'll likely be there for the next few minutes at least - maybe even the next few days, weeks or months. So why not find a way to let it be ok to be where you are? You've got to be there anyway! Resisting reality is a sign of insanity - it drives you crazy! That resistance is a BIG part of why you feel so bad. Stop fighting the reality of where you are right now.
Secondly, where you are is part of your journey - if you are not totally loving where you are right now, it is helping you to get more clarity about where you'd like to be. This is a VERY GOOD THING! Most of us look at this contrast between what we want and what we have and get depressed, but actually if you didn't have 'this' how would you know you want 'that'? For example, every rubbish relationship you ever had brings you to a closer understanding of what you really want in a partner, and this experience helps you sort the wheat from the chaff.
Thirdly, contrary to popular belief, bemoaning, criticizing and denouncing where we are does not help us to move on. It actually undermines our confidence, keeps us stuck and makes the situation even worse! Years ago I was in a job I hated and I wanted to leave for 3 years…but when I came to terms with the fact that for now, I was there and I needed to start making the best of it, I decided to leave. Within a month! If you're feeling ok with where you are, you're in a great position to move with ease to the next phase of your life - and worse case scenario, you are where you are and that's ok!
- Something To Play With -
Think about a situation in your life that you'd like to change. Now find 5 things about that situation that are actually good. Now find 5 more. Keep doing this for a few weeks and notice how your resistance lowers and your confidence rises. Want to share your thoughts on this article? E-mail me. I love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Covering Your Ass
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.
As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.
Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
Enough of that crap . . The donkey later came back, and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him.
The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.
MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:
When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.
Lol.
Donna.x
Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.
As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.
Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
Enough of that crap . . The donkey later came back, and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him.
The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.
MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:
When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.
Lol.
Donna.x
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Do it Anyway
I watched this video this morning and it gave me the shivers, so I wanted to share it with you!
Love
Donna.x
Love
Donna.x
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