Everyone Is

- Everyone Is -

Do you ever feel slightly isolated, a bit weird, like you are the only person in the world who thinks the way you do? Me too! Do you ever feel like you are the only person in the world who struggles, has doubts, wonders if they are ‘getting it right’? Me too! Do you ever think that you are the only one who has a little self-doubting voice in your head? Wow, me too! In fact, I’d be willing to bet that the majority of people reading this have felt that way at one time or another. Everyone has doubts. Everyone has moments where they think they are the only people in the world who think or feel the way they do. And the great tragedy is that they are rarely right!

There is someone else out there who has felt, or thought exactly the same doubting, uncertainty, weirdness! A few years ago I was convinced that I was weird – and I didn’t consider it a good thing. This caused me many a moment of navel-gazing, upset and even depression. And then I met some people who were brave enough to say ‘hey! Me too!’. What an ‘aha’ moment for me - I realised that even the most confident people feel uncertain at times, even the most driven of people have moments of doubt, and even the most successful people feel like a failure. They just hid it well. For years, I genuinely could not accept myself because I thought I was mad – that no one else had the thoughts I had.

Realising that I was not alone was a turning point for me. If the people I respected and aspired to emulate had ‘weird’ thoughts, then so could I. If people I considered successful had moments of doubt, then so could I. And what’s more, if these people thought and felt this way and were still happy and successful, so could I be. Not only do we as a society hold up stick people as beautiful, we also hold up automatons as ‘normal’, and then we individually wonder why we have such ‘odd’ feelings and thoughts. It makes me want to scream. Here’s the thing – if you sometimes feel you’re a bit unusual, that’s normal! Normality is feeling and thinking and sometimes doubting.

I have come to terms with the fact that I am slightly odd, and I now consider it a very good thing that I think and feel the way I do – because that is just perfect for me. Who the hell wants to be an automaton?!


- Something To Play With -

If you knew that you are not a total oddball, that you are not "wierd", that you are not alone in having the thoughts and feelings that you have, what would change for you? Want to share how this article affects you? E-mail meI love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails. Or why not join Donna's monthly group coaching to explore this concept some more?


- The Personal Bit -

This week I am repeating an article from way back in 2005; I hope you enjoy it. The reason I have been so lax and not created something new? Because this week ran away from me! Ever had that? When you think you have plenty of time to do everything, then before you know it its quarter to ten on Saturday night and you're wondering what happened to the week? Other than the fact that I seem to have lost a couple of days somewhere, it's been a good week. I learned how to play a nintendo wii, realised how rusty my pool skills are, and had an angel reading! Happy St Patrick's Day to one and all. xx

Growing up vs Growing Old

What does life want from me?

Most of us ask what we want from life...with varying success! Sometimes this perspective brings great joy, and sometimes it brings great disatisfaction. What if 'what do I want from life' was the wrong question?

What if the question was 'what does life want from me'?

What might change?

I was pondering this, and I realised that life wants me to live joyfully, not sit at my desk 'forcing myself' to work. Just realising this freed me up to enjoy my procrastination!

Love

Donna.x
PS This question came from Eckhart Tolle

A Toxic Life?

What toxicity surrounds your life? What in your life makes you feel bad? What toxic foods are you eating? Toxic drinks? What toxic environments are you in? Believe it or not, this steady diet of toxicity drains your energy and makes you feel ill. Now you don't have to go and live on top of a tibetan moutain to get away from the toxicity, but you do need to make sure that you are clearing your environment and body as much as you can.

Let go of those things that are toxic to you - they could include sweets (you have no idea how much it hurts me to say that!), alcohol, a negative work environment, newspapers, clutter, even some family and friends can be toxic! You may not be able to get rid of them altogether (particularly family!) but you can protect yourself and keep as clear as you can.

So, what are you going to dump in the toxic waste today?

Love

Donna.x

OnTheBeach - The Dutiful One

I was talking to a friend last week about going to the inquest into my uncle's death - which I don't want to do. So why are you going then, she asked? Excellent question…and the answer is that I don't know. Actually, I am now not going to go, because as Claire most excellently reminded me, I don't want to! Why was I going to go? Simply put: Duty. I felt it was my duty to my family to go.

It was quite amusing to me to realise what I was doing, because I will rarely do anything I don't want to do…unless I feel it is my duty to do so! I am obviously a very well brought up girl. What are you doing that you don't want to do out of duty? Attending the Christmas work party every year even though you never want to go and have better things to do? Going to the 80th birthday party of Great Aunt Maude, who you haven't seen since you were 5? Doing the usual 'Friday nighter' even though you are shattered and skint?

What about your duty to yourself? To your health and happiness? Robert Louis Stevenson said "There is no duty we so underrate as the duty of being happy. By being happy we sow anonymous benefits upon the world." To do the particular duty of going to this inquest, I would be actively making myself unhappy. In order to 'do right' by my family! It's insane, and incidentally, they are not bothered that I don't want to go. Maybe your duties aren't quite so horrible, but check with yourself why you are doing them.

Is it because you feel you must or you will be rejected in some way? Or is it because you genuinely want to do it? If you're anything like me, part of the reason you don't want to do it is because you feel you have to! Pure contrariness. Or we make up that 'so and so would be unhappy' if we didn't do something. For my part, I would rather my friends and family said no to me, rather than do something for me just because they think they have to!

I'm a big girl, I can take a 'no' - after all, I say it often enough. It may be too much to simply say 'no' to a duty you've already agreed to, but once you realise that you do not want to do something, you can change things around so that you can also do your duty to yourself. I'm still traveling to London with my Mom for the inquest, but while they are at the hearing, I will be either spending time with my cousin, or being a tourist in London. I'm sure my uncle won't mind I'm not making a misery of myself on his account.


- Something To Play With -

What duties do you have to your work, your family, your friends? What do you do 'out of duty' (maybe even automatically)? Do you really want to do this? If your only duty was to your own health and happiness, what would change for you? Want to share how this article affects you? E-mail meI love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails. Or why not join Donna's monthly group coaching to explore this concept some more?


- The Personal Bit -

I've had a very productive week this week - for the last year I've been playing with ideas of books and courses I could create to help those who do not want one to one coaching. And I am finally making some progress! It's amazing how much you can get done when you set a timer and leave your e-mail/internet alone for a few hours. My free ebook will be finished by the end of this month…and you guys will be the first to get a copy - it's the biggest secret in happiness…and after that teaser, you will just have to wait…

Change Thyself

When you are desperate for someone else to change, and they won't (the selfish buggers!), try changing yourself instead. If you think it's so easy to make that change, you do it - lead by example instead of 'telling'.

Ultimately, it's the only thing you can do, and it's a lot more successful at changing the behaviour of others than moaning!

Love

Donna.x

Enough about me, what did you think of me?

I had a beautiful message yesterday, from someone I sent my (soon to be ready for public consumption!) free ebook to. She basically said she thought I was amazing, filled me with confidence and joy that something I wrote had such an impact. And her encouragement had a wonderful impact on me. I am keeping that message, and I am going to watch it often.

Putting myself down and telling myself I am rubbish comes easily, but building myself up in the way this message did is a little harder - especially if I'm having a bad day! I wonder if you realise the impact of a compliment on someone else? Here, let's try this one - I can see that you are an intelligent person with impeccable taste, because you are reading my blog!

Feel good? Seriously, compliments can change the course of a person's life. Next time you feel that someone is wonderful, say it. I promise that the good stuff will come back to you tenfold!

Love

Donna.x

OnTheBeach: Hell is Other People

An online community I am part of had a discussion subject this week about negative people – here’s my reply…

This subject made me smile - I used to avoid negative people because they brought me down. Now, I welcome them...because their negativity doesn't mean anything to me. If someone is standing next to you wearing green, do you have to wear green? No! I know that is so easy to say once you've learnt to deal with them...and yes, sometimes a negative person will press on a bruise and 'get me'...but that's great too because they show me where I am not living in positivity!

Here's how I've 'dealt with' them:
1. Avoid them (out of sight, out of mind!!! It's a plaster rather than a fix)
2. Notice how they affect you and work out why - where do they show you where you are being negative? (The Work by Byron Katie is brilliant with this)
3. Remember that the world is a mirror FOR you - what are they bringing you that's positive? Eg a chance to reinforce your positivity, a lesson on how not to do it, a reminder to protect yourself from negative energy
4. Remember the law of attraction - are you focusing on their negative aspects? Focus on the kind of person you want in your life, focus on the positive things about the 'negative' people in your life.
5. Learn to love, not fear a negative person. if it's true that fear creates negativity, they're just scared. Awwwww. Bless them. And yourself when you are scared and negative.
6. Enjoy watching them, because they show you how far you've come!!!
7. Never, ever try to convince them that positivity is good by words, do it by living that way. When I was negative and cynical, it drove me mad that people told me to be positive! But people who just did it, and didn't join my pity party...wow, I still thank them for showing me the way!
8. Be compassionate with them and yourself. The more you learn, the less these people show up. Honest!

It’s interesting, when we start to be more positive ourselves, other people become less negative around us – once we get past the idea that the whole world has to be positive with us! Sometimes I still believe the Jean-Paul Sartre quote that ‘hell is other people’ , but most of the time I know that when other people are winding me up, it’s all about me, not them.

Something to play with
When negative people get you down this week, try some of the ideas above. Experiment and have fun with the idea that you can be surrounded by negative people, and still be a shiny, positive light! (If nothing else, it will irritate them immensely!) Want to share what’s going on for you? E-mail me.

The Personal Bit
Wow! What a week. I have been right at the very edge of my learning curve this week. It’s been months since I last felt this saturated with information. It’s all good stuff, but I really feel in need of a rest! Feels like that earthquake here in the UK did more than just wake me up petrified in the middle of the night. It’s shaken all sorts of things loose.

The Voice of Love

Whose voice do you listen to?  The voice that constantly tells you that you suck, or the voice that tells you that you are an amazing human being with incredible gifts and talents?  The voice that demeans you and puts you down, or the voice that encourages you and builds you up? 

 

Are you consciously choosing which voice to listen to, or are you just listening to the one that shouts the loudest?  

 

Listen only to the voice of love.  All other voices are talking shite!

 

Love

 

Donna.x

Did the Earth Move for You?

Ooh, the big news! We had an earthquake here last night. 5.2 on the Richter Scale. Now, to those of you away from the UK, this might not sound like big news - but we haven't had an earthquake that strong in 20 years! And it's not exactly a common occurence here either - the last one was about 3 years ago.

I freely admit that I am a girly poof - the last earthquake terrified me, and this one scared me too. It only scared me this time because I woke up after the ground had stopped shaking, I thought I'd had a bad dream when I found myself sat up in bed with my heart pounding.

Anwyay, it got me thinking about foundations. Are your foundations strong enough to withstand an earthquake? I'm not talking about your house here. I am off in the world of metaphor - your personal foundations - confidence, money, self love and acceptance, and so on. You'll know if your foundations are rocky if you are easily knocked off track by small things.

Strong foundations mean you can withstand minor earthquakes, that might freak you out, but don't really harm you!

Love

Donna.x

A One Shot Deal

There is only one of you in all of time. Be the person you came here to be.

Love

Donna.x

OnTheBeach - Your Full Potential

- Group Coaching -

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT! I have now launched a twice monthly group coaching call - so if you've been thinking about having coaching and would like to know more about this concept, click here.

- Your Full Potential -

Living to your full potential. What does this phrase mean to you? Are you living to your full potential? Does trying to live to your full potential mean working harder, trying harder, getting more money, stuff, qualifications, kudos? Does it make you tired just thinking about it? Does it stress you out? Do you know what image springs to mind when I think about living to my full potential? Something similar to the image on the right here ->

Someone who is jumping for joy, enjoying their life, and LIVING to their full potential. Whenever people talk about living to their full potential, they are most often talking about DOING to their full potential. All well and good, but your ability to 'do' is restricted by the time, energy and drive you have…and all too often we exhaust ourselves trying to 'do' too much. What if living to your full potential meant BEING. Fully being.

Being what? Being happy, loving, joyful, fun, Being You. See, no one else can be you in the same way that you can. No one else can be you to your full potential. Your full potential of enjoyment, joy, love is HUGE. And moving towards the full achievement of your potential to be is WONDERFUL. Deconstruct that word - wonder full. It's not hard to 'be', it's not stressful (unless you wish to be stressed!), it's not tiring.

If you were to rate your level of enjoyment of your life right now, what would it be on a scale of 1-10 (1 is life sucks, and 10 is I LOVE MY LIFE!). If it's not 10 or getting there, where are you making 'doing stuff to make me happy' more important than 'being happy'? See, most of us have it backwards - we 'do' stuff to make us 'be' happy. Only half the time the 'doing' just leads to more 'doing'. An example: I'm going to work really hard to get the money to get some stuff and then I'll be happy. How many years have you been following this insane thought? Is it working for you?

I'm heavily simplifying here, but trust me, scratch the surface of most desires to 'do' and 'be happy' is the underlying idea. Why not be happy first? Or even while you're busy doing. It is absolutely possible to be happy when your life is not perfect…and if it's perfection you're waiting for, you'd better start enjoying your misery! Living to your full potential means just that - LIVING to your full potential. By all means, work toward your goals, but make sure that you are enjoying yourself on the way - otherwise you will miss your potential for joy in the here and now.


- Something To Play With -

Where are you on that scale of enjoyment? If your happiness was your only concern this week, what could you do to bump your score up one point? Want to share how this article affects you? E-mail me I love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails. Or why not join Donna's monthly group coaching to explore this concept some more?

What would You Do?

If feeling good is the only mark of life, what would you do now?

Love

Donna.x
With many thanks to Dr Alexandra Gayek of Science of Being Well for this GREAT question

It doesn't matter

OH MY GOD! I'm still not feeling 100%...it doesn't matter.
I didn't do all the housework today...it doesn't matter.
I didn't do everything I wanted to do workwise today...it doesn't matter.
I didn't go to the gym today...it doesn't matter.
I haven't taken over the world today...it doesn't matter.

Why doesn't it matter? Because none of this is life shattering! It is only my expectations that I 'should' have perfect health all the time (insane!), have a sparkling house (never gonna happen!), finish every work 'thing' I ever thought of (yeah, right!), go to the gym every day (unrealistic...and unwanted!), take over the world (like I'd want that responsibility?!). So what does matter?

Only that you feel good. Life is here to enjoy - most of the stuff we get stressed about DOESN'T MATTER! Feeling good, now that's important!

Love

Donna.x

PS I Love You

I'm sure that if you celebrate Valentine's Day, you will have done the roses, chocolates, gifts, love bit last week, but do you only do that on Valentine's Day? And for those of you who think Valentine's Day is a terrible waste of time, money, effort, and a commercialised meaningless date, when do you tell people you love them? And for those of you who are single, and forget about valentine's day (like me, who wondered why everything in the world had gone red last Thursday), when do you tell people you love them?

And this isn't just about telling your significant other that they are loved. What about the rest of the people in your life? Do they know that you love them? Roses, chocolates and gifts are all very nice (and if anyone wishes to send them to me, they will of course be welcome!) but love isn't always about the grand gesture, the big idea, the one day, the one person. Love is also about small things, every day, and everyone.

This week do something to let the people you care about know that you care about them. Let them know how important they are to you. Look in the mirror and tell that person you love them. It's a beautiful thing to share love.

Love

Donna.x

PS I Love You!

The Greatest Romance

Aaah, l'amour! If you are in love today, I hope that you are enjoying it!

And if you're not, this tip is especially for you. Some of us save falling in love for that special person, and in doing so we miss out! You can fall in love right now - whether there is a special someone in the wings or not. How? By falling in love with the very special someone you see in the mirror. By falling in love with yourself and your life.

Imagine it, every morning, waking up and laughing out loud because you are with you, and you have this incredible life! Don't wait until life is perfect, or you are perfect, because you'll miss the long years of wonderful imperfection. Let's face it, when we fall in love with someone else, we don't fall in love with perfection...so why demand that from yourself before you can fall in love with you?

Trust me, you are special, amazing, wonderful, beautiful, stunningly gorgeous and the most incredible person on the planet. It's time you saw that for yourself.

Love you

Donna.x

Especially Car Insurance

yesterday I asked you to question everything. This week I questioned my car insurance. It's due soon, and as I usually do, I double checked on t'internet to make sure I couldn't get it cheaper elsewhere...and found that my own insurer gave me a quote £80 less than my renewal premium.

Like I said, question everything!

Love

Donna.x

Question Everything

Once you've decided that something is absolutely true (or untrue!), you've closed your mind on it. A closed mind has nowhere to go. Question Everything.

Is it really true that life sucks?

Is it really true that you can't change anything?

Is it really true that you can't have the life you want?

Is it really true that 'it has to be this way'?

What if it wasn't? What if not accepting that 'truth' led you to a wonderful life? A wonderful job? A wonderful partner?

7 years ago, I kept coming back to one thought 'there must be more to life than this!' And I was right - I kept questioning that things had to be as they were, that I couldn't change anything...and along the way, I found coaches and friends who constantly challenged me to question my most deeply held beliefs. Here's what I found: there are no absolutes. And many of my beliefs (particularly the ones that limited me and kept me small!) were wrong.

Question Everything. Your questions may just lead to answers you never dreamed of.

Love

Donna.x

OnTheBeach - Cut the Puppet Strings

Life is too short to waste chasing someone else’s dreams. But so many of us do just that. We live the life that someone else set out for us – our parents, our peers, our significant others. We do what is ‘safe’, what is ‘acceptable’, what is ‘normal’. The authentic desires that hide in your heart never disappear, they just wilt under the pressure of having to be just like everyone else.

Now, of course, I’m not talking about anything illegal, immoral or insane here. Just the normal desires in every heart to be unique, to be authentic, to be happy. And here’s the problem (or the solution!) – everyone is different. No one has exactly the same tastes and ideas. Some people like Muse, and some like Celine Dion. There is no right or wrong – just what makes you happy. For me, Muse = happy, Celine = torture.

I use the example of music because it’s an easy one to grasp – everyone knows that musical tastes vary and that’s ok (at least I hope you know that!). But when we get a little further afield than music, something happens. Suddenly your hopes and dreams aren’t ok. Suddenly your desires are ‘weird’ rather than unique. Authenticity is a bad thing because it makes you ‘different’.

Well, if you want to have a happy, joyful life, get really comfortable with being weird and different! Because we all are. Every last one of us is weird and wonderful, different and beautifully unique. The marvellous thing about the authentic desires in your heart is that they never disappear, and they are easy to revive! Just start to follow some of that heartfelt guidance. Even when someone else has a different opinion on what you should be doing with your life.

Notice the key words there? Your life. Can you feel someone else pulling the puppet strings in your life? Sometimes it is very subtle, sometimes it’s like a sledgehammer, but always it feels like you are not in control. When the puppet strings get cut, you get to live the life you want to live, not the life that someone else laid out for you. So who’s pulling your puppet strings, and do they really know better than you do what’s best for you?

Something to play with
Just notice who’s playing with your puppet strings. Notice where you are giving away your power to someone else. Notice what the stirrings of your heart are telling you to do, and just take one small step in the direction of your dreams. Get in touch if you'd like to share your puppet string stories - I love to hear from you, and reply to all comments and e-mails.

Love

Donna.x

Rocks and Sucks

On Radio 1 on a Friday, Jo Whiley does a 'rocks and sucks' section. Here's my entry for today:

What rocks: the Hours and The Twang at warwick uni last night (the hours were BRILLIANT)
What sucks: some idiot threw beer all over me, and when I took off my glasses to clean beer off, the lens fell out! (and vanished into thin air – I couldn’t even find the broken glass after the gig) So now I have to buy new glasses. Rubbish.

Now, I'm a big fan of looking on the bright side, and looking more into what is working rather than what is not working at all. But I don't believe in ignoring what is rubbish. That's denial, and not generally useful. The key is to notice what sucks, and either fix it or notice that it's not that bad. In the grand scheme of things, a lens falling out of my specs is not the worst thing that could happen (although I am hugely curious to know where the chuff the thing went!!!).

So, what rocks and sucks in your life this week?

Love

Donna.x

Cool People Care

I get a daily e-mail from Sam Davidson at Cool People Care about a way to save the world in 5 minutes. Today's was such an obvious, yet probably underused tip that I wanted to share it with you:

"It's very tempting and quite habitual for us to start our cars right when we hop in. Then, we put on the seatbelt, fiddle with the mirrors, find a radio station, take a swig of coffee, and then head out. And even though it doesn't seem like a long time, any extra seconds spent idling are seconds we're wasting gas, burning money, and harming the environment. The next time you get ready to get going, start the car last. By applying a proper order to your pre-drive routine, you'll be doing the environment and your wallet a great service. "

Love

Donna.x

Dragging your Heels

Does anyone have any idea when the UK shooting season finishes? It's ruining my walks with the dog. We are now down to 2 (out of about 12) walks that she will actually do, and even then, she drags her heels. I've been trying to convince her that they are not shooting at her, but she's having none of it!

Anyway, it reminded me of what we're like when we are being pulled towards something that we know will be great (like a field full of rabbits to chase)...and we drag our heels. For example, following the guidance of our body that says 'get exercise and stop eating chips' or the guidance of our heart that says 'this situation needs to change'.

Our dog is very lucky, she has me coaxing, encouraging (and occasionally badgering and dragging!!) her along cos I know she'll love the walk once she's chasing rabbits (or birds, or invisible things!). Are you so lucky? Do you have the support you need to keep going, even when you're scared and you think they're shooting at you (they're not)? The life you want is just waiting for you to stop dragging your heels.

Love

Donna.x

Move your Pooh Stick

Remember Pooh-sticks? The game Winnie the Pooh and friends played where they drop a stick into the water on one side of the bridge, and the first stick to reach the other side wins. Now, imagine that life is like a game of Pooh sticks…and you are the stick. The stick is happily floating downstream in the river of life…until it gets stuck. Maybe it’s wedged in with a bunch of other sticks, maybe it’s caught in a little eddy, going round and round and round.

Does this sound like your life? Is your stick stuck? Does it help your stick to complain about being stuck to all the other sticks? Does it help to moan that your stick is too fat, too stupid, too stuck? No. Your stick is still stuck. The stick isn’t a bad stick for getting stuck – it just got stuck. It happens in the river of life. Some sticks float down the river without ever getting stuck (although I’ve not once met one!), but most get stuck sometimes.

Now imagine that all you have to do is get your stick unstuck…that’s your only task. See the thing about getting stuck is that you don’t have to stay stuck. Sometimes you will need to move a load of other sticks around you to be able to move, sometimes it’s just a matter of pointing the stick back downstream, and sometimes you have to throw a rock at the stick to get it moving.

Again, the stick isn’t bad…no matter what it takes to get it moving again, the stick is just stuck. No more, no less. Are you getting the relevance of this metaphor to your life? Maybe you are not stuck right now…if not, great! Remember to enjoy the flow of life, and notice what is going on around you. Maybe you can avoid getting stuck for a while. When (if) you do get stuck, and if you are stuck now, your only task is to get unstuck.

My stick gets stuck on a regular basis – it might be a business challenge, or relationships, or outside influences, or health trouble, or writing, or any other ‘obstacle’ in life. I don’t mind getting stuck anymore, because I know lots of tools that will help me move my stick – coaching, journalling, gratitude, vision, friends, colleagues, clients, the list is endless. A few years ago the only way I knew was to throw a rock at the stick!

I want you to know that you don’t have to throw a rock at the stick – life change doesn’t have to be shocking and hard, and totally disorientating. You can let it be easy. As long as you are working on getting your stick back into the flow of life, it’s all good. And where is the flow going? Well, Nirvana of course. The joyful life. It’s not that far away…you just might get stuck a time or two. But your only job is to keep your stick unstuck and flowing.

Something to play with
Where are you stuck in your life? How could you unstuck your stick? Who can support you to do this? Want to share what’s going on for you? E-mail me.

Fit as a Butcher's Dog

This week I have been really getting the most from my gym membership, and energy for fitness. In the last 6 days, I have walked the dog 5 times, been to the gym twice, been swimming once, been to aquafit, pilates and belly dancing. And do you know what, I am knackered! But a nice knackered, rather than unhealthily knackered.

This is a really obvious thing to say, but life really does feel better when you are fitter! (not that I am actually that fit, but fitter than I was!) More oxygen gets to your brain, heart, muscles, you sleep better, and I haven't had one guilty twinge about the orange kitkat I am munching my way through.

If you're in the middle of winter like me, you might not want to get outside - it's cold and wet and hailing and windy and miserable. But trust me, if you do something active, you'll feel better. And despite January being the wettest for years here (apparently!), we have had some beautiful days - blue skies, sunshine.

So get out and about wherever you are.

Love

Donna.x

Two Heads are Better than One

From the book of doing things the hard way:
Rule number 3: Do everything alone. Get no support. Get no help. Carry the entire project on your shoulders.

BUT if you wanted to make life easier, why not enlist friends? Colleagues? Peers? I have been really lucky this week that the people I have spoken to have supported me unasked, have challenged me unasked, and have inspired me unasked. We just got together for a chat, and I got more out of those chats than I can possibly ever artiulate. It reminded me that 2 heads are better than 1, 5 heads are better than 2...

Whatever you are working on right now, in your private or business life, get support, get a community, get other people to help you. And you never know, there might be someone out there right now who needs your support. Win/win.

Love

Donna.x
PS the first person to e-mail me the name of the film I got the 5 heads bit from wins a free 30 minute coaching session - might be just the support you need!

This is the Truth

This morning, I received a short film that really, says it all.

Even in the most dreadful circumstances, there is beauty to be found in the world.

If this guy could do it in the concentration camps, you can do it in the office!

Light in The Darkness

Love

Donna.x

Push You, Pull Me

Are your relationships balanced? Do your friends and family support you as you support them? I know that sometimes we need more support than we can give and sometimes our friends and family need us more than we need them.

But taking the long view, looking at the relationship overall, are you giving more than you receive? Consistently? Are you asking for the support you need? Or are you trying to be superwoman/man?

Relationships, friendships are all about mutual support, love, encouragement. If you're not getting that, maybe it's time to change things? (by the way this doesn't have to mean you sack all your friends...it might just mean you need to ask for their support!)

You deserve this support.

Love

Donna.x

The Longing behind the Should

This week I wrote a newsletter about the demon 'shoulds' - those things that we 'should' do and feel terrible about because we don't do. I asked readers to take a look at what was behind the should - for example, behind 'I should diet' is 'I want to feel good about myself'. The idea is to find what you really want, because there are other ways. In this case, raising confidence, eating better, dressing well, exercising will all accomplish the desired result. No diet recquired.

The same concept (sychronistically) came up in a client session today, and my client put it perfectly. "Find the longing behind the should". When you find the desire fuelling the should, you will find the drive to do what you want to do...and it won't be a should, must, have to or ought to anymore. It'll be a want. Much easier...and no diet recquired!

love

Donna.x

To Start With

Do you have a project that is lying unfinished, unattended to, unloved that you actually really WANT to do, but never seem to get to? My project for this category is my ebook(s)/Ecourse(s). I really want to get them done, I am constantly meeting people who would enjoy them and find them useful, and yet I never seem to get to writing them.

So guess how I started the day today? Yes, I set my timer for an hour and wrote. Funnily enough, once I got into it, I actually went way past the hour. And having done that, I can continue with my usual fannying about for the rest of the day safe in the knowledge that the one thing I really wanted to get to today has been done already.

Move the projects that mean the most to you up your priority list. If you can, start the day with them. Or start the evening with them (before Eastenders!). The most important choice you make is what you choose to make important.

Love

Donna.x

Time For a Clearout

It's coming to that time for me again, the time when I feel like I need to throw some stuff out! Early spring cleaning.

If you feel like joining me in a clearout, remember if you don't love it, let it go.

Have a great weekend!

Love

Donna.x

Playing the Game

The Game of Life.

How are you playing? Are you fighting over ever throw of the dice, taking it all personally, giving up after a few throws, deciding that you will never win so why play, getting pissed off with other players for getting the wins that you wanted, sulking, taking it very seriously or being enormously competitive?

In other words, are you forgetting that it's a game? Life (in my humble opinion) is FUN! We get to do some really cool stuff on this planet - dancing, laughing, horizontal exercise ;-), bouncing, loving, being with friends, watching crap tv, seeing the sunrise and set, watching the seasons turn and the kids grow.

When you remember that its a game to be played and enjoyed, you can change your experience of it. Instead of it being hard and stressful, it becomes easy and fun...and you get to learn to play better rather than making the same mistakes over again. And the best thing about this game? There are no losers. You can only win the game of life.

Love

Donna.x

What a BUZZ!

I am really buzzing today (unimaginable on Monday, when I was busy having a BAD DAY!). Part of the difference (as well as being more cheerful in general!) is that i went to my Toastmasters club last night and reconnected with the lovely people there. I went to Toastmasters initially to learn to be a good speaker, and discovered to my rapture that it was great fun, I've met some lovely friends, AND I'm a far better speaker.

But over recent months, I've not been to my club. First it was a holiday, then I lost my uncle and was in no mood to go out, then it was winter and cold and dark, then I'd got out of the habit and forgotten how wonderful it was! Honestly, if you have any interest in public speaking, in improving your confidence, or in meeting some really interesting and fun people, go find yourself a Toastmasters club.

Love

Donna.x

A weather lesson

"All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to Criticism."

I've seen this one a few times before, and always love it! Thanks to my mate Hils who sent the e-mail containing this today. Ain't it true? We brits love to discuss (moan) about the weather...but it takes absolutely no notice. Just carries on doing it's own thing.

Imagine it. You are oblivious to what 'other people' might say or think, you just carry on doing your own thing... How might you have lived your life differently? How could you live life differently now? It's your life, are you the one living it?

Love

Donna.x

Feeling Very Monday-ish

I've been feeling very Monday-ish today. When I started working for myself, I deliberately arranged Mondays so that I wouldn't have to feel Monday-ish. Today, it didn't work. I am feeling under-enthused, unmotivated, uninspired, not really like working at all.

In fact, I've felt like doing chores! It's most unlike me, I normally hate doing chores because I'd rather do something interesting. Not today, I'm just in the mood for repetitive, boring things I don't really need to concentrate on.

Now you'd think as a coach, I would be 'geeing myself up' and employing positive thinking techniques. However, I've never been a big fan of pretending I feel great when I actually feel a bit ordinary. To me, that's denial! Instead, I have spent the day just reaching for a slightly better feeling, then a slightly better one, then a slightly better one...and so on.

Massive leaps in mood are difficult, from depression to joy is a long way when you're down there. But you can feel a little better, and a little better, until you are feeling a lot better! Just remember to work from where you are. We all have monday-ish days, where we're just not feeling the best. If you can, allow yourself to be fed up for a bit, then just ask of yourself a slightly better feeling.

It's a lot easier to climb the ladder one rung at a time than to leap six feet (miss, fall down and feel even more battered and bruised than you did before!).

Love

Donna.x

Confronting Obstacles

In a novel, Isabel Allende writes "Confront obstacles as they appear, don't waste energy fearing what you may meet in the future."

Imagine the energy you would free up if you refused to worry about anything you couldn't confront right now...not turning a blind eye, or militantly ignoring an obstacle that's biting your bum, but refusing to worry and stress over something that might never happen.

Personally, I'd have freed up about 5 years of the last 35!!!

Here's to a fear and worry free weekend!

Love

Donna.x

Knowing How to Heal You

I was listening to a radio show today from Caroline Myss on Hay House Radio in which she mentioned that all of us know more about how to heal ourselves than we actually do. For example, we know we need more exercise, better food, more sunshine, more rest...but we don't do it.

Here's an experiment for you: Think of 3 things that you know would help your health...and this week committ to doing them.

Here's to a Happy and Healthy you!

Love

Donna.x

Back in the Saddle

HELLO! I'm back y'all.

My apologies to anyone who expected, wanted, looked for an update on this blog over Christmas...what can I say?! I didn't really intend to be quite so offline as I was this Christmas, but I have to say, it's been marvellous! I'm only just realising just how marvelous it was to have time to just chill, and think, and plan the year, and play games, read other people's blogs, and potter about.

Now I'm back to it, and today discovered (or uncovered if you like!) my main intention for 2008 - TO ENJOY LIFE! I have been marinating in all my ideas, hopes and dreams for the coming year, and when I stopped to ask myself the one most important thing (by talking to my archetypes, wild woman, future self and so on*)...ENJOY LIFE was the one.

If you similarly wish to enjoy your life this year, I'd like to share 2 practices with you that I started (again) today:

1. Toleration busting - this is where you make a list of 100 things that are irritating you - from the dusty laptop to the 10 extra p0unds you're carrying. From the itsy-bitsy unimportant things to the life changing. Once you've got stuff on your list, the game is to fix one thing a day (at least). Pick the easiest thing to change...you will be amazed at how much energy this frees up, and how much more enjoyment you start getting from life without this minor irritations.

2. The list of stuff you love to do. 100 things you love doing - the game here is to do as many of them as you can fit in on a daily basis...you may not be able to walk on the beach daily, but you can read a book for 10 minutes. Again, you'll be amazed at how great this exercise is! You start to notice how much stuff you do that you love, and to enjoy it fully...like you do when you're new to something, really appreciating the stuff you get to do.

Love Life

Love

Donna.x
* By the way, if you're interested in archetypes, future selves, etc, feel free to get in touch - I love doing this stuff!!!

A Present of Joy for Christmas Day

I was just speaking to a client tonight, when I had a brilliant idea (which came from 'outside' of me, as all the best ideas do!). I asked my client to write a list of all the things they have done this year to be proud of, all the fun moments they've had, all the moments of joy they can remember. Then seal this list in an envelope and open it on christmas day.

What a lovely present to yourself, to remind yourself on this one funky day of just how wonderful life is, and has been, and how great you are! So, this weekend, if you've got a few minutes to spare, dash off a list of joyful moments, things you're proud of and have achieved, and give yourself the gift of a joyful memory reel for Christmas.

Love

Donna.x
PS i suggest 100 things, but 20 will work too! Go...do, I'm off to do mine...

Ready to Receive

Santa has a box of wealth, health, happiness, love, luck and joy for you to enjoy in 2008. Are you ready to receive it? Put it this way, if you have a hard time accepting a compliment, you might struggle a bit to receive all this good stuff!!!

This Christmas, play with the idea that you do deserve ALL the good things that come your way (and if you are unfortunate enough to receive 'bad' things this xmas, you deserve BETTER!). Get ready to receive the wealth, health, happiness, love, luck and joy...

Because you ARE worth it.

Love

Donna.x

Mayhem Outside, Hibernation Inside

Listening to the radio today, I heard there were traffic jams, people out manically shopping and general chaos. I was in it myself yesterday when I popped to town to finish my shopping. It's mad out there. In here, there is a roaring fire, blankets, books, writing materials and drinks. I'm set for the night - I will be staying in the warm and the peace and the quiet (well, quiet-ish - the radio is blaring!).

It's winter-time, it's December, it's cold (in England anyway), it's a time when the rest of nature hibernates...and we all go bananas Christmas shopping! What's wrong with this picture? I have long been of the opinion that we should get December off work to just chill, and sleep, and hibernate. (And a summer month off to enjoy summer, but that's another story!) This December, gift yourself at least one night to sit in front of a warm fire with a book and your choice of food and drink.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand Relax...

Love

Donna.x

Happy Christmas Your Arse

In all the furore over 'Fairytale of New York', I realised a HUGE mistake in my newsletter this week - I quoted 'Merry Christmas your arse' instead of 'Happy Christmas your arse'. Oopsie. My apologies.

If you haven't seen the (ridiculous) furore, Radio 1 decided to bleep out 'faggot' from the song in case it offended batches anywhere, or something, and then changed their mind. The only good thing about this absurdity is the exposure the song gets...I do hope it gets to number one!

I am slightly reluctant to point it out in case it causes another furore, but has anyone noticed they say 'arse'?! OH MY GOD. I'm stunned people haven't been complaining for the last 20 years about it.

Hopefully they have better things to do with their time. Sing with me 'It was Christmas Eve babe, in the drunk tank'...

Love

Donna.x

A Letter To Father Christmas

When was the last time you wrote a letter to Father Christmas? 10, 20, 30, too many years! I know that when we're about 8 we discover that Father Christmas isn't real...and then the magic gradually seeps out of Christmas. I got an e-mail today from Sarah Ban Breathnach reminding me to send my letter to Santa...and reconnect to the magic of the season, which funnily enough was also the subject of my newsletter today.

That letter to Father Christmas seems like a darn fine way to do that to me...and WHAT IF all the grown-ups were wrong, and there really is a Santa?!

Love

Donna.x

Stuck for Words

I have been sat in front of my laptop for the past 10 minutes, wondering what to write...after all, I've only been in the office 1 day so far this week, and therefore only one blog entry. Guess what? I can't think of a darned thing to write. The ridiculous thing is that I have about 200 ideas in my notebook...but none of them are inspiring anything today.

I wonder if that's because I am trying to write because I 'should' and I don't want to let readers down instead of because I want to and have something to say? Think I've hit the nail on the head there!

Do you find that when you do something because you 'should' it is harder to do than when you want to? What can you do to do more you want and less you should?

My answer is 'yes', and I can finish here...without saying anything...

Love

Donna.x

Exploding Myths

Over the weekend I was in Dublin for my cousin's wedding - magnificent by the way - and exploded a myth that I had long held. The myth was that I couldn't enjoy an occassion like a wedding when I was the only sober person there. (Once upon a time I was a big drinker, and it was the 'happy sauce' to my night's out!) On Friday I had 3 halves of lager in 7 hours (not enough to get even me drunk!) and had a marvelous time!

Not only that, I didn't do anything embarrassing, I got up for breakfast (a first!) and I wasn't at all hungover...so even though I didn't stay up til half five like some of the cousins, I actually enjoyed the wedding more! This will come as no surprise to the more sober among you, but it did genuinely surprise me - I hadn't realised how much I believed this myth that drink was my happy sauce.

What myths are you believing? What if I were to tell you that it's all a story? We make up stories about everything...who we are, what is happening in our lives, what we need and don't need, other people's motives (which we can't possibly know!). And then we act as if the stories are real. Just for this week, notice what stories you are telling yourself, and ponder the possibility that the exact opposite is true!

Love

Donna.x

Mising In Action

Tomorrow I'm off to Dublin for a family wedding, then when I get back it's me birthday, then I'm off to see the Nutcracker next Tuesday (so obviously I can't work all day!), so I've pretty much got the next week off! It did occur to me that I could do some work Sunday night when I get back from Dublin, and on Tuesday morning/early afternoon. But do you know what? I'm not going to!

Well, I might. But if I do, it'll be because that's what I feel like doing, not because I 'should'. I love the idea of being totally conscientious, but frankly, it makes me very tired. So, for the next week, I will be Missing In Action. And that action will be Enjoying My Life.

If you were to give yourself a bit of a break from what you 'should' do, what could you do instead over the next week?

Love

Donna.x

Your Fairy Godmother

Imagine that you had a Fairy Godmother who could grant every wish you have...what would you put on your list?

Take a couple of minutes now and list what you would wish for if she could wave that magic wand...

And not just 'enough money to pay my bills' or 'a nice car' - really have some fun with this! On my list are 'houses in Sydney, Western Australia, Ireland and a gorgeous Georgian house in England', £1 billion, a cure for cancer.

It's just a bit of fun...enjoy!

Love

Donna.x

Infecting the World

"Biggins is about making the world a happier place and it's infectious."

I spotted this quote in one of the Sunday papers this weekend, and I just love the idea of this! (for those who do not watch rubbish tv, Biggins is Christopher Biggins, King of the Jungle in I'm a Celebrity UK)

What are you about? Are you happy to infect the world with what you're all about? Or are you infecting the world with pessimism, irritation, unhappiness, misery? Unlike a disease, you can choose what infection you bring to the party of life.

How would you love to complete the following sentence "I am about ... and it's infectious."

Personally, I am about making the world a joyful place, and it's infectious.

Love

Donna.x

Start Where You Are

"Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to start where he was." Lao-Tzu

Love

Donna.x

Pursuing Outrageous Joy

In one of the books I've been reading this week, I found the phrase "outrageous joy". It has totally caught my imagination, and I've decided my new 'job' is to find and bring outrageous joy. What does this mean in practice? I have thrown away the 'to do' lists, I am not doing any 'should's, I am spending more time with friends and family, and enjoying each moment as much as I can.

It feels rather good to be honest. No stress, lots of fun - what I imagine 'God' had in mind when life was created.

If your mission in life was to find and bring outrageous joy, what might change in your life?

Love

Donna.x

Enjoy the present moment

How much of your life do you spend in the past? Moaning about it, rehashing it, being nostalgic? How much do you spend in the future? Daydreaming, wishing things were different, getting excited about next week? There is a place in life for learning from and continuing to enjoy the past AND for daydreaming and looking forward to the future, but when you are living in the past or future, you are missing the present.

You can't get this moment back...or this one...or this one. Where do you spend most of your time? Do you make up a story about what might happen in the future, and make judgements about your life based on a maybe! Hmmmmm… What would happen if you just stayed in the present moment? The future will happen no matter how much you worry about it…or how much you DON’T worry about it! And if you don’t worry about it, the present will be more fun!

Or do you live in the past? Worrying about things that have happened, regretting and/or wishing it could be like it was? Hmmmm... What would happen if you stayed in the present moment? The past has happened no matter how much you worry about it (or not!)...and if you don't, the present will be more fun!

If you really stayed present in this moment, not worrying about yesterday, or tomorrow, what could you enjoy far more? I could enjoy the feeling of typing this article, of listening to my music, and of having the dog grumbling at me from under my desk (how dare I move my legs at my own desk?!). You know what? There's a lot to appreciate in this moment - I'm glad I'm not distracted by yesterday and tomorrow!

Love

Donna.x

Responsibility and Ridiculousness

On the way back from the pool today, I got into a little altercation with a man in a car. It was one of those silly things - he pulled out in front of me, I raised my arms as if to say 'what? you couldn't see me?', he started gesticulating wildly and getting cross, I raised the finger, he continued to gesticulate wildly and decided to brake sharply while I leaned on the horn and explained in words of one syllable what a pratt he was!

Ridiculous. Now, his response was inappropriate, over-the-top and absurd (in my opinion!), but I have to take some responsibility for my reaction too...which was also pointless. At first I was just a bit irritated, then I thought 'OY!', then I was really cross. What for? He cut me up...it happens. My reaction was instantaneous and utterly useless - it wasn't going to make any difference at all.

And it did make the situation worse. I could say 'he started it'. I could also say 'he was the one who ...', but ultimately I played a part in it. I could have stepped out of that at any point, and let him take his bad day out on someone else! Ultimately, it is not a big deal - and we both made it much worse than it needed to be. But as I can't control what goes on in his car (much as I'd like to be a self-appointed 'driving police'), I can only control what's happening in mine.

Eventually, I did. I concentrated on my own driving, my own journey, and let him continue his. With my blessings...and a little bit of guilt. Hope his blood pressure is ok now!

What situations (that don't matter) are you adding to, and making worse? Could you do the sensible thing, and just 'step out' of the argument?

Love

Donna.x

The Frustrating Thing

Frustration. I know him well. He is a constant companion of impatience and irritation. All of which are regular visitors, none of whom have been particularly helpful up til now. You see, the way I have dealt with them is to firstly try to ignore them, while their presence gets stronger and stronger until eventually they take over what I am doing, and I work from that angry energy for a while...until I realise it's not helpful and let it go.

If you're feeling frustrated, angry, impatient, irritated, notice that is how you feel. Let yourself feel it for a few minutes...and then LET IT GO. Your frustration may come back for a visit, but you only need have a quick chat on the doorstep before you let it move on again. And again. And again.

Frustration is like a little warning flame - it's only when you try to hold on to it that it burns you.

Love

Donna.x

Are you Being Brilliant?

Inside all of us is the knowledge of who we could be...not the 'stick thin woman trying to get out from under a layer of jaffa cakes', but the core of our being - that bit that knows 'there is more to me than this'. Inside you there is a wonderful, beautiful, loving, brilliant woman (or man). And you know it.

Are you being that Shiny Gorgeous Brilliance? Or is that brilliance hidden behind layers of self-doubt, stress, frustration, anger, and lack of confidence? Chinks of it still shine through - I can see it from here. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to start deliberately allowing that brilliance to shine through.

They'll be able to see you from another galaxy if you do. They'll look up at the stars, and there you will be, shining across a million light years.

Love

Donna.x

The Answer is Right There

It never fails to entertain me how often I am struggling with an issue, then come across other people, clients, friends, random blogs and newsletters that show the same issue... and more importantly show me my answers. Think for a minute of something that you are struggling with, a question you have about your life, something you would like answered. Now take a look around you - are there any friends, clients, family members or random people who have the same issue?

Be prepared to open out on this one - it may not be EXACTLY the same, and they won't be dealing with it in the same way (they are not you, so they can't deal with it your way!). What is the answer for them, as you see it? Can this answer apply to you and your situation?

When you can't see the wood for the trees, look out to the other people in your life to show you the path to take.

Love

Donna,x

Hold one another up

I was at a gig last week in Sheffield, and the lead singer of the band was telling the audience to look after each other, to hold one another up. This was largely because people were being squashed in the mosh pit, and 14 year old girls were passing out over the proximity of Mr Gerard Way (My Chemical Romance).

But it struck me as very good advice in general. There are times (like at my uncle's funeral last month) when you need to physically hold people up or they will fall. And there are more times when holding them up is an emotional, mental and spiritual action.

Who is the wind beneath your wings, and whose wings are you helping to fly?

Love

Donna.x

Crack Pots

I am sure you've seen this story before, it does the rounds of e-mail every few months or so...but I love it!

"An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course , the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house." The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?"

"That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them." "For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them. SO, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path! "

Have a great weekend!

Love

Donna.x

Reaching Out

I have a confession to make. I am not coping that well. I am pretending that 'it' hasn't happened, because the thought of my uncle's death makes me want to scream and never stop screaming.

That was quite hard to type. It was even harder to say to my friends. I made a promise...after telling friends about my 'mini-nervous breakdown' 7 months after it happened, I promised I would tell them when life was rubbish, not after I was ok again. I was talking to another friend of mine today who does the same thing. 'I'll talk to my friends about it AFTER I've dealt with it'. Sound familiar at all?

The thing is, we might be right, other people might not be able to help. But equally we MIGHT be wrong, and the support and love and encouragement and whatever that our friends can offer might just help us deal with it. Much as it scares me to do so, I think that's a risk worth taking.

Do you?

Love

Donna.x

What the Hell

"Ever notice that 'What the hell' is always the right decision?" -Marilyn Monroe

Love

Donna.x

Catching the Wind in Your Wings

I took the dog for a walk today, and was treated to the spectacle of a bird (don't ask what sort, I haven't a clue!) playing in the wind (or looking for food perhaps...who knows!). His wings flapped as he sought to catch the wind, and then he glided, until he started to lose height by losing that sweet spot where the wind carried him, he flapped 2 or 3 times to get back in the wind and continued gliding.

It was an amazing thing to watch...and got me thinking - how often do we go flapping round insanely, ignoring the fact that there is a glorious updraft there to support if only we flew a bit smarter? And once we find that updraft, we only need a few lazy maintenance 'flaps' to keep us in the flow, where we can circle effortlessly and enjoy our flight.

Sound good? Take a moment to think now about how you make your life harder by 'flapping' too much.

Love

Donna.x

A measure of Happiness

Despite the outward circumstances of grief and shock, I am generally a happy person - this wasn't always the case, and this measure of happiness explains EXACTLY what has changed in my life...and what can change in yours to allow you to feel happier.

Happiness is not measured by outside circumstances - many wealthy, successful, famous, married people are desperately unhappy, while many poor, 'ordinary', single people are happy. Neither 'condition' is any better for happiness (even though it often seems that the new shoes will make us happier...they don't in the long run!).

The measure of happiness is whether you count what you have, or whether you count what you have not.

Today, count only what you have.

Love

Donna.x

I'm Ok Now!

No better than ok yet. After a dreadful day on Tuesday when I wasn't even interested in going to see Dave Grohl (shock! Horror!), as the week progresses, so does my mood. I have been able to laugh, genuinely and fully, and even take the piss out of myself. Improvement indeed. I even managed to hear death mentioned without a trembly bottom lip (have you ANY idea how much death is mentioned in life?!).

And again, I notice something...I am trying to rush myself back to full 'fitness' - I should have done more today, been sharper, made more stuff happen. But if I'm being kind to myself, gentle with myself, I know that I am still shattered emotionally and physically. I am recovering, but there's no use in rushing that recovery. I can only work with the energy I've got.

Remember, be kind and gentle with you. You're worth it.

Love

Donna.x

Permission to Feel

Hello folks...I'm back. Just about.

So, it's been a tough couple of weeks. This death in the family was totally unexpected, has come as a huge shock to us all...and left the family devastated. It was the worst funeral I have ever been to, by far...and this was the third worst news I could have had. It hasn't been my best fortnight! And today I come back to try to get back to some sort of normality, despite the numbness, confusion and 'away with the fairy'ness I feel.

I have had an immensely moving time with my family, more hugs in 1 day than we normally give in 5 years, an incredible depth of feeling which is both disturbingly painful...and somehow beautiful. So many people have been wonderfully kind - I've had so many kindnesses, and thoughts, and prayers sent my way. And I've noticed how we supress how we feel so as not to upset/inconvenience/embarrass others.

People ask how I am, how the family is...and I know they want me to say we're ok...but we're not. In the words of My Chemical Romance 'I'm not o-fucking-k'. In public, I am maintaining the facade of ok-ness, but in private, I've given myself permission to feel how I really feel. Bad. I was fortunate enough to have time to myself to absorb, reflect and wail and scream and sob...now I'm too numb to do any of that. But I'm allowing myself to feel what I feel.

I know this goes against the conventional wisdom that you should do all you can to make yourself feel better...but not by supressing what's really there - that's like laying a blanket over a volcano. Most of the time, when you allow yourself to feel what's there, it eases (or in my case, I get bored!). As with everything, there is a balance point between feeling and wallowing - only you know where you are on the scale of ignoring feeling to wallowing in it.

Just for today, allow yourself to feel how you feel without trying to 'make' it be any other way. You may be surprised at how it changes 'all by itself'. For me, I'm not o-fucking-k...and that's ok.

Love

Donna.x

Not the best weekend

Not only did we lose the rugby, Lewis Hamilton didn't get the F1 title (this time), and infinitely more importantly, I lost my beloved Uncle Chris. I've really run the gamut of emotion over the last 2 days, horror, shock, nausea, hurt, anger, helplessness, and all those horrible ones. But also over-riding it all, love.

Love for my uncle. Love for my family. Love for life.

Are you appreciating how precious life is? How precious your loved ones are?

With love

Donna.x

Swing Low, Sweet ...

Rugby fans among you will recognise the reference above - yes, it's World Cup Final day and the England rugby team, against all odds and expectations will be defending their title. For me, it is another opportunity to gnaw through my fingernails, hide behind the sofa (as I did 4 years ago...I couldn't bear to watch!!!) and, I hope, cheer myself hoarse.

Now, you know me, I see signs and inspirations in the most mundane of places. Lessons, if you like...although that just shows the limit of language because 'lesson' implies something painful, boring, harsh. When actually these lessons are wonderful - helping us to navigate the world in which we live. Anyway, the 'lesson' (if anyone has a better word, please let me know!) from the England rugby team?

Persistence. Heart. Refusal to let past results influence their future. Continuing with confidence despite harsh criticism. Everyone expected them to go out in the group stages. They didn't. Everyone expected Australia to wallop them. They didn't. Everyone expected France to annihilate them. They didn't. Despite negative expectation, criticism and poor results, they are in the world cup final for the second time in a row.

Ooh, the anticipation! Now, at this stage anything is possible... including me starting smoking again if they make it as nervy as the last 2 games! Put this is the context of your life: do you continue despite 'failures', do you ignore negative expectation and criticism and carry on regardless, do you bounce back again and again and again until you are in the position where anything is possible?

Love 'em or loathe 'em, you have got to admire them...and perhaps even be slightly inspired by them?

Love

Donna.x
PS COME ON ENGLAND!

Listening to the Signals

I was chatting to my Dad today - he isn't very well, so he stayed in bed this morning and feels a bit better (nothing serious, just this blasted bug that's going around). By contrast, my mom hasn't been feeling well for a week or more...and has been to work as normal, and is now doing the weekly shop because, and I quote "I feel like sh*t so I'm getting it out of the way".

Notice the difference - dad took time off and feels better...mom didn't and still feels pants. Anyone reckon this sends a clear message? And yet for many of us, it's difficult to rest when we don't feel well. After all, the world will fall apart without us, right? Not. Eventually, your body will get bored of hinting, and will go full out 'you must rest' and collapse on you!

Interestingly (well, to me!) I have a mix of the two...I want to rest so I do a little bit of resting and a little bit of working. It doesn't work too well though! My theory is that like everything else in life, every day I get a little better at hearing the signals!

The weekend cometh, what signals is your body giving you?

Love

Donna.x

Oh, the Irony

You know yesterday I was saying 'let life unfold'? Well, guess what I've been trying to do today?Oh yes - pushing, forcing, making things happen. On a small scale. With myself. I've been trying to 'make' myself be productive, when all I feel like doing is...well, nothing that is particularly 'productive' (this of course depends entirely on your point of view!). So, I've been fannying around for England today.

You know, sometimes, even though you KNOW that there is a better way of doing things, you do things the 'old' way. And the more you see what you are doing, the more you question it (gently!), the more you notice what's going on, the easier it is to change. I would love to say that I never push myself to do anything...but it's just not true! On days when I don't feel 100%, I do push, because otherwise I think I won't get anything done.

(I'm wrong by the way - I will get things done if I just let myself get on with it instead of micro-managing and getting hysterical!) And I'm better than I was. A year ago, it would have take me 8 hours at my desk to realise that this strategy ain't working. 3 years ago, it would have taken me a week. Today, it took a couple of hours. And then enlightenment dawned - there is a better way. Let life unfold instead of pushing.

Seems I said that somewhere before? Did you need the reminder too?

Love

Donna.x

You Can't Force It

Another day, another cheesy film to learn from! This particular film is one of those 'new york gal' vs 'cowboy' films...the title is irrelevant. The point that caught my eye was when the leading lady was telling her New York boyfriend that she couldn't marry him because he only proposed under duress. "If you really wanted to do this, I wouldn't have to deliver ultimatums...you'd just have done it. I don't want you to wake up in 5 years on the realisation that you never wanted this." (if anyone knows the film, I've paraphrased!)

Anyway, this got me thinking - how often do we force an issue? You know, 'make things happen', deliver ultimatums (to ourselves even), push through the obstacles. And when we're forcing an issue, is that the right thing to do? Maybe the fact that there are obstacles is telling? What if what was meant to happen happened? And the other stuff didn't. And what if we allowed that to be ok?

Now, this is not a call to inaction. I do not mean 'do nothing'. I mean follow your INSPIRATION. Not your ego. You know the difference - ego says 'I must have that...now, now, now, more, more, more, push, force, break'; inspiration says 'this is what will happen - in its right place and time. No need to worry.'

What would change if you allowed your life to unfold instead of 'making it happen'?

Love

Donna.x

The Serenity Principle

Dear God - I can't believe it was 28th September when I last wrote! It seems like only last week, and yet so much has happened in the meantime! My holiday was lovely, thank you. Very relaxing, chilled and sunny!!!

And despite the fact that I love what I do, I didn't want to leave my holiday. I didn't want to come back to work. I didn't want to come back to this country. I wanted to stay there in the sunshine, watching the sun set over the ocean every night, and waking up to blue skies and high temperatures every day! Yes, I got the post-holiday blues! Nothing like the 'bad old days' when I wanted to throw myself under a train rather than come back though, so that's progress!

This time I know that it's not drastic measures that are needed, it is small things that need to be honoured - the things that are really important in life. They're not about what you do, or have, but about who you are. While on holiday, my friend told me that I was serene. Once I stopped laughing, I realised that sometimes, I am serene. Certainly in comparison with myself 10 years ago, I am serene. This serenity comes from a confidence, a freedom, a joy, a love for life...and a deep knowing that all is exactly as it should be.

Even when I think that it should be sitting on the rocks watching the sun go down! I don't need to be there doing that to honour that serenity principle...I just need to remember that serenity is important to me, and find ways of encouraging serenity.

Would you like to join me in honouring the serenity principle?

Love

Donna.x

The Worry Checklist

Once again, I got my '3 messages' over the last 24 hours - from a friend, from a forum, and then from a client. Worry was the message. And I realised that although I do it sometimes (when I really want to make myself miserable ;-)) I don't do it that often. Why not? Because I've trained myself out of the habit. How? By either doing something, or giving it to someone else to worry about!

So, here’s a ‘check list’ for when you are worrying:
1. What can I do about it right now? If there is something, do it. If nothing, go to number 2.
2. What can I do about it later? If there is something, plan to do it. If nothing, go to number 3.
3. What can I do about it tomorrow? If there is something, plan to do it. If nothing, go to number 4.
4. What can I do about it ever? If there is something, plan to do it. If nothing, go to number 5.
5. There is nothing I can do about this thing. Will I even give a shit in a year’s time? If not, stop worrying! If yes, go to number 6.
6. Call on spirit (God, Goddess, Angels, the Universe, your soul) for help. For example, I will say “Please help me to deal with this situation in the best way I can - calmly, cheerfully and easily.” I always feel better then...

Let me know if it works for you.

Love

Donna.x

PS Next week I am going ON HOLIDAY!!!! Very excited! So, it's unlikely that I'll be blogging. Do come back in a couple of weeks, I'll be back.

What You Want is What You Need

On a daily basis, I ask for help from 'the unknown' (God/Goddess/Whatever) to make sure I complete the things I need to do today, and get the support I need, and the messages I most need to see. Today I 'slipped up' and asked for the message I most 'want' today. I corrected myself instantly from want to need, and up popped the thought (I'm certain most of these thoughts don't come from 'me'!) "What you want is what you need".

Pause for a moment and think about that. What you want is what you need. Interesting concept, wot?

So, I could be asking to make sure I complete the things I want to do today, get the support I want, and the messages I want. Hmm...not only does this feel better (wow, you mean I get to do stuff I want to do?!), it also looks like a better request to me. Not just what I 'need', but what I want. Why wouldn't that be good? Well, it could only be bad if I didn't trust myself...

Do you trust that what you want is also what you need?

Love

Donna.x
PS I had a funny thought when I was typing that 'god/goddess/whatever' that you could be praying to 'whatever'. Next time you hear a teen-at-heart 'whatever'ing, remember it's a call to the infinite!

The Message to Do Less

I often get 'messages' for my life - for example, this week the message is to 'clear' - I've heard from several sources about clutter clearing, and clearing space, and clearing time. It's no coincidence that the message is being repeated again and again from different angles. The universe sometimes has to beat me over the head to get me to hear a message!

But this message of clearing - clutter, space and time is a really key one for me. I can easily fill every hour of the rest of my natural life! I could stay at my desk until midnight...and still have things 'to do', because there's always things 'to do'! The infinite to do list. So this week, I've clutter cleared, I've time cleared, and I'm space clearing. This space is in my working day, and it's space to finish for the day!

Trevor Hoskisson reminded me of a great time management tool - a list of 7 things you'll do that day. Do each one, and then when they are done, stop. I'm nearly done for today...and the space that has cleared by allowing myself to 'finish' my day is mesmerising!

What do you need to clear? Time? Space? Stuff?

And what messages are you being sent again, and again, and again? Is it time you listened?

Love

Donna.x

Connecting to Genius

Did you realise that you have access to the most incredible resource in the world? What is it? Other people. All too often, we strive for 'independance' (and I am very guilty of over-independance!), but let's face it, unless you're totally self sufficient (and if you are, I doubt you're reading this!) you rely on others for a thousand things. Delivering your post, reaping the crops to give you your food, manufacturing, goods, services, inventions (where would we be without the music players?!).

And other people give you access to a huge amount of information. I know very little about cars, but I know a woman who does. The reason this is much in my mind at the moment is because I am in the middle of doing some writing - some ebooks. And I have started to ask my newsletter readers for help to make sure that what I write is relevant and useful! Just one e-mail from a helpful reader can spark off 10 ideas. (and also remind me that what is obvious to me isn't always obvious to others!)

Since I have been asking for help with this project, I have recieved far more than I bargained for! Enthusiasm, encouragement, inspiration, ideas, interest, the list goes on.

What are you doing right now that the vast resource that is 'other people' could help you with?

Love

Donna.x
PS the question that I have been asking is "What gets in the way of your self-care?" If you'd like to help me by answering that question, please get in touch. Thanks a million.

What you Can Control

"While we may not be able to control all that happens to us, we can control what happens inside us" Benjamin Franklin

When you feed the 'darkness' in you by worrying, moaning, being pessimistic and negative, you make a choice. To feed the darkness. It might not be a conscious choice, but it's a choice nonetheless.

There is a different choice you can make. Feed the light by being inspired, by dreaming big, by getting excited about your life, by falling in love with you, being optimistic and positive. It feels GREAT!

What choice will you make today?

Love

Donna.x

Bring Sunshine

"Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves."

J.M Barrie

Do you bring sunshine?

Love

Donna.x

Do It Anyway

Said Kent M. Keith:

"People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them. Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway."

Happy Friday!

Love

Donna.x

Viva Espana!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...I'm just getting back into the swing of things after a long weekend in Spain with my friend Debbie, her hubby Marcus, and the puppies Dani and Fug. It's nice to see that someone else's dogs steal shoes, underwear, and anything that isn't nailed down. I think our Mollie would get on well with Dani and Fug!

Anyway, it's been harder than I thought to get back into working...especially as I am off on a week's hols in Tenerife in 13 days (not that I'm counting!). It hardly seems worth starting anything... I'm a great believer in following my energy, and yesterday and today my energy is more scattered than focused on work stuff. It seems I need time to get used to being home.

Amazing that you can feel so disoriented after just 3 and a half days away! In times past, I would have ignored the signals that I need to ease back in, and just forced myself to push past the barriers and FOCUS. Just the thought of that now bewilders me. Why would you ignore the signals of your body, mind, heart and spirit? The reason is simple - because we think we 'should' be superwomen/men.

Never mind that you don't feel up to it, get on with it! Something I think the Spanish do rather well is to live life at their own pace, rather than at 1000 miles an hour. Looking out of my window at a grey, cold day, I realise that they also do weather rather well. Sigh. However, I am getting used to being back...and I find myself (now I've allowed a slow 'ease' back in) looking forward to getting on with some stuff.

What signals are you ignoring from your body, mind, heart and spirit?

Love

Donna.x

The Dog's B*******

Dogs have no problem being present.  They don’t worry about where the next meal is coming from, or what they’ve got to do tomorrow.  They might hope that a walk is coming in the near future, but in the meantime they can just be happy with having a snooze while they wait.  They are always pleased to see you, they totally accept you, even if you are still in your pyjamas at 2 in the afternoon and haven’t showered for 2 days.  They don’t care if you are ‘successful’ or ‘wealthy’.  As long as you love them, they love you right back.

 

Anyone else thinking we could learn from dogs?

 

Love

 

Donna.x

 

 

You Can Only Do What You're Doing

Following on from yesterday's mini-tizz, I had a chat with my friend Jon Willis this morning. Jon does 'The Work' and helped me today to go through the process with this 'I've got to do everything today' belief which was still lingering. What he helped me to realise was just how unhelpful this particular belief is. Not only is it stressful, it also ensures that I cannot be present in anything I'm doing.

Walking the dog, and worrying about what else I should be doing. Writing this, and worrying about what else I should be doing. Meeting friends I love to bits, and worrying about what I haven't done! I miss out on so much because I'm mentally elsewhere. In 'should've-land'. Completely pointless! As Jon pointed out, I can only do what I'm doing. Right now, I can only be writing this - I can't walk the dog while I write. Or write something else. Or write a card. Or anything else!

With that realisation, I can relax. And just do what I am doing in this moment. I will enjoy walking the dog when I get to that. I will thoroughly enjoy meeting my friends when I am doing that. In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy whatever I find myself doing in each moment. Hmm...sounds a bit like a recipe for a happy life!

Are you mentally in another time zone, or are you enjoying what you are doing right now? (you're reading this...so I hope you are making the effort to enjoy it too!!!!)

Love

Donna.x

So Little to do, So Much Time

Or is it the other way round? I've been getting myself in a minor tizz again this week - 3 days out of 5 out of the office, going to Spain on Friday, a to do list 4 pages long to be done! The funny thing is that I know it won't all be done. It's a physical impossibility to do everything I want to do (one of the things is write a book...not gonna happen this week!). And once I let go of wanting to do everything, I can relax and decide what I actually want to do.

Of my to do list of 56 items (give or take!), 1 has GOT to be done before Friday - travel insurance. 2 I really want to make sure are done - my cousin's birthday card and an article finished for next week. The rest? Well, the world won't collapse if I don't do the other 53 things. And this week would be a lot more fun if I didn't insist I 'have to'...in fact I think I'll make a game of it.

Here's the rules of the game: I'm allowed to go away for the weekend only having done those 3 things, and I get a bonus endorphin for each one I do WITHOUT any stress! So that's 53 extra endorphins ... on top of feeling good cos I'm relaxed and excited to be going away. Bonus.

What could you let go of 'having' to do this week? And how much more fun would life be if you relaxed and enjoyed the things that you do?

Love

Donna.x

Happy Friday!

I got this thought of the day from www.emofree.com today "Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy." Cynthia Nelms

Quite so. And if you need something to cheer you up, check this out http://mom2my6pack.blogspot.com/ - the blog of a mom of 6. Hilarious.

Have a great weekend!

Love

Donna.x

Of Insomnia and Blood Loss

The last couple of nights I have not slept well at all. After 32 years of insomnia, I finally got the magic formula in place to allow me to sleep well most of the time. But every month, I get a couple of days where I do not sleep at all well. I am not good when I don't sleep. I am aware there are people who can get by on 3 hours sleep...but I'm not one of them. 7 hours instead of 8 can make me very irritable.

And as for an entire evening of tossing and turning...despite being shattered (I don't mind so much if I'm not actually tired in the first place!)...well let's just say I'm not at my best and leave it there. Just don't annoy me today! Thankfully my client sessions for the day are now out of the way with only a little incoherence from me...and now I just have my to do list to do!

Trouble is, I'm also a pint of blood lighter. As I wasn't able to concentrate, I went off to Give Blood...it seemed like a good idea at the time! Unfortunately, I'm now even less inclined to go through and tick off my tasks for today. Sigh. So, I am going to have a bowl of chips with sour cream and have a little lie down. Maybe I'll feel more like doing my to do's later?

When your energy isn't 100%, is your focus on 'getting things done anyway' or on raising your energy so you can 'do' with more presence, wit (and in my case, brain cells!)? If you knew that the most important thing in life is that you feel good, what might you allow yourself to do (or not do) today?

Love

Donna.x
PS Give Blood. Now. I told you earlier, don't irritate me today!

You're Having a Laugh!

One of the things I love about what I do for a living is that I have a really good laugh with my clients. One of the things I love about my friends is that we laugh a lot. One of the things I love about life is laughter. And the thing I most like to do? You guessed it! Laugh.

When was the last time you laughed aloud? If you can’t remember, it’s too long ago.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to find a way to get yourself laughing aloud. As soon as possible.

“the most wasted of all days is that on which one has not laughed” Nicholas Chamfort. Don’t waste this day.

Love and laughter!

Donna.x

The Why's and Wherefore's of a chocolate habit

This week's newsletter covered the subject of 'self-destruct' - the notion that we all do things that we know are bad for us! I have created a worksheet for looking at the why's and wherefore's of a bad habit, and I thought I'd work through it myself:

1. What are you getting from this bad habit? (aim for at least 5 answers. )
A nice taste
Comfort
Something to do with my hands
Something to do with my mouth
I avoid feeling when I’m hitting chocolate
An energy ‘fix’
2. What is it costing you? (not just money, peace of mind, relationship, health etc)
Energy (ironically!)
Health – it lies on my hips
Peace of mind, because I’m constantly arguing with myself about whether to have chocolate
I’m embarrassed about it, and I hide it from my family (oh, the shame!)
If I go anywhere, I have to have a chocolate ‘fix’ with me
3. What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t do this anymore?
I’d become a puritan (if you only knew how ridiculous that answer is!)
4. What would you miss most if you gave it up?
That first taste of lovely chocolate!
5. What would be better if you gave it up?
I wouldn’t be surrounded by empty wrappers, I’d not be heckling myself for doing it, my weight would probably stabilise, my energy would be higher and more consistent, I wouldn’t have to think about being embarrassed about it or taking it with me on holiday!!!
6. For each of the answers to question 1, think of 3 other ways you could get that? A nice taste -> cheese, apples, chicken and white wine soup
Comfort -> a blanket, a hug, cup a soup
Something to do with my hands -> doing a jigsaw, knit, play the piano
Something to do with my mouth -> sing, a dummy (!), boiled sweets
I avoid feeling when I’m hitting chocolate -> watch tv, work, play with the dog
An energy ‘fix’ -> nuts/fruit, exercise, sleep
7. On a scale of 1-10, how much do you want to ‘stop’ this bad habit? What would boost that score up the scale by 1? (and keep asking that question until it’s a 10!) If it’s less than a 7, chances are you will find it difficult, because you don’t want to!
6/10. What would boost it up to a 7 would be eating so much I was sick! (actually that would probably boost it to a 10) What would boost it to an 8 would be if the energy drop was more obvious. What would boost it to a 9 would be if I saw how bad it is for me. And a 10 would be if it made me poorly.
8. IF you don’t really want to stop, what would have to change for that to be ok? (EG for you to be happy with your ‘bad’ habit?)
For me to have less, and to be ok if I was staying with a friend and didn’t have any!
9. If you knew it would be easy to stop your bad habit (no cravings, no pain) would you?
Yes.
10. IF the answer to this question is yes, what would make it easier for you to stop?
Cut down bit by bit until I wouldn’t really notice if I stopped entirely. Noticing what need I'm trying to fill when I crave a piece of chocolate and checking if there's another way to do that before I go choca-barmy! Noticing the joy of the first bite...and when that joy stops, stopping eating!

Hmmm...I find that I can think of the piece of chocolate sitting in my drawer without craving it.

Interesting.

What 'bad' habits can you put through this wringer?

Love

Donna.x

Rediscover the Thrill of the Chase

I recently bought myself some 'self-care' and 'Grace' cards from Cheryl Richardson. (I like to pull a card every day to give me some insight into my own self care) Over the weekend, a card that came up was 'Patience: be willing to sacrifice good for great'.

Contemplate that for a minute.

The world we live in is a full on, instant, now, now, now kind of world. Any gratification must be instantaneous or we won't bother. Nothing is worth the effort. If it takes more than 5 minutes, why bother? Ok, it's a sweeping generalisation, and many of us don't really live like that. This card has stayed with me, I keep worrying at it, like a loose tooth.

Not only does the idea of 'great' over 'good' appeal to me, it also includes the thrill of the chase - the idea of working towards something fantastic, something wonderful, and reveling in the journey, as well as the achievement of the goal. You'll never take this part of your journey again - are you feeling the adrenalin rush of chasing the life you want? Are you enjoying the chase?

Or are you moaning that the life you want isn't here yet? Which one do you think would be the most fun?

Love

Donna.x