You Can't Force It

Another day, another cheesy film to learn from! This particular film is one of those 'new york gal' vs 'cowboy' films...the title is irrelevant. The point that caught my eye was when the leading lady was telling her New York boyfriend that she couldn't marry him because he only proposed under duress. "If you really wanted to do this, I wouldn't have to deliver ultimatums...you'd just have done it. I don't want you to wake up in 5 years on the realisation that you never wanted this." (if anyone knows the film, I've paraphrased!)

Anyway, this got me thinking - how often do we force an issue? You know, 'make things happen', deliver ultimatums (to ourselves even), push through the obstacles. And when we're forcing an issue, is that the right thing to do? Maybe the fact that there are obstacles is telling? What if what was meant to happen happened? And the other stuff didn't. And what if we allowed that to be ok?

Now, this is not a call to inaction. I do not mean 'do nothing'. I mean follow your INSPIRATION. Not your ego. You know the difference - ego says 'I must have that...now, now, now, more, more, more, push, force, break'; inspiration says 'this is what will happen - in its right place and time. No need to worry.'

What would change if you allowed your life to unfold instead of 'making it happen'?

Love

Donna.x

The Serenity Principle

Dear God - I can't believe it was 28th September when I last wrote! It seems like only last week, and yet so much has happened in the meantime! My holiday was lovely, thank you. Very relaxing, chilled and sunny!!!

And despite the fact that I love what I do, I didn't want to leave my holiday. I didn't want to come back to work. I didn't want to come back to this country. I wanted to stay there in the sunshine, watching the sun set over the ocean every night, and waking up to blue skies and high temperatures every day! Yes, I got the post-holiday blues! Nothing like the 'bad old days' when I wanted to throw myself under a train rather than come back though, so that's progress!

This time I know that it's not drastic measures that are needed, it is small things that need to be honoured - the things that are really important in life. They're not about what you do, or have, but about who you are. While on holiday, my friend told me that I was serene. Once I stopped laughing, I realised that sometimes, I am serene. Certainly in comparison with myself 10 years ago, I am serene. This serenity comes from a confidence, a freedom, a joy, a love for life...and a deep knowing that all is exactly as it should be.

Even when I think that it should be sitting on the rocks watching the sun go down! I don't need to be there doing that to honour that serenity principle...I just need to remember that serenity is important to me, and find ways of encouraging serenity.

Would you like to join me in honouring the serenity principle?

Love

Donna.x

The Worry Checklist

Once again, I got my '3 messages' over the last 24 hours - from a friend, from a forum, and then from a client. Worry was the message. And I realised that although I do it sometimes (when I really want to make myself miserable ;-)) I don't do it that often. Why not? Because I've trained myself out of the habit. How? By either doing something, or giving it to someone else to worry about!

So, here’s a ‘check list’ for when you are worrying:
1. What can I do about it right now? If there is something, do it. If nothing, go to number 2.
2. What can I do about it later? If there is something, plan to do it. If nothing, go to number 3.
3. What can I do about it tomorrow? If there is something, plan to do it. If nothing, go to number 4.
4. What can I do about it ever? If there is something, plan to do it. If nothing, go to number 5.
5. There is nothing I can do about this thing. Will I even give a shit in a year’s time? If not, stop worrying! If yes, go to number 6.
6. Call on spirit (God, Goddess, Angels, the Universe, your soul) for help. For example, I will say “Please help me to deal with this situation in the best way I can - calmly, cheerfully and easily.” I always feel better then...

Let me know if it works for you.

Love

Donna.x

PS Next week I am going ON HOLIDAY!!!! Very excited! So, it's unlikely that I'll be blogging. Do come back in a couple of weeks, I'll be back.

What You Want is What You Need

On a daily basis, I ask for help from 'the unknown' (God/Goddess/Whatever) to make sure I complete the things I need to do today, and get the support I need, and the messages I most need to see. Today I 'slipped up' and asked for the message I most 'want' today. I corrected myself instantly from want to need, and up popped the thought (I'm certain most of these thoughts don't come from 'me'!) "What you want is what you need".

Pause for a moment and think about that. What you want is what you need. Interesting concept, wot?

So, I could be asking to make sure I complete the things I want to do today, get the support I want, and the messages I want. Hmm...not only does this feel better (wow, you mean I get to do stuff I want to do?!), it also looks like a better request to me. Not just what I 'need', but what I want. Why wouldn't that be good? Well, it could only be bad if I didn't trust myself...

Do you trust that what you want is also what you need?

Love

Donna.x
PS I had a funny thought when I was typing that 'god/goddess/whatever' that you could be praying to 'whatever'. Next time you hear a teen-at-heart 'whatever'ing, remember it's a call to the infinite!

The Message to Do Less

I often get 'messages' for my life - for example, this week the message is to 'clear' - I've heard from several sources about clutter clearing, and clearing space, and clearing time. It's no coincidence that the message is being repeated again and again from different angles. The universe sometimes has to beat me over the head to get me to hear a message!

But this message of clearing - clutter, space and time is a really key one for me. I can easily fill every hour of the rest of my natural life! I could stay at my desk until midnight...and still have things 'to do', because there's always things 'to do'! The infinite to do list. So this week, I've clutter cleared, I've time cleared, and I'm space clearing. This space is in my working day, and it's space to finish for the day!

Trevor Hoskisson reminded me of a great time management tool - a list of 7 things you'll do that day. Do each one, and then when they are done, stop. I'm nearly done for today...and the space that has cleared by allowing myself to 'finish' my day is mesmerising!

What do you need to clear? Time? Space? Stuff?

And what messages are you being sent again, and again, and again? Is it time you listened?

Love

Donna.x

Connecting to Genius

Did you realise that you have access to the most incredible resource in the world? What is it? Other people. All too often, we strive for 'independance' (and I am very guilty of over-independance!), but let's face it, unless you're totally self sufficient (and if you are, I doubt you're reading this!) you rely on others for a thousand things. Delivering your post, reaping the crops to give you your food, manufacturing, goods, services, inventions (where would we be without the music players?!).

And other people give you access to a huge amount of information. I know very little about cars, but I know a woman who does. The reason this is much in my mind at the moment is because I am in the middle of doing some writing - some ebooks. And I have started to ask my newsletter readers for help to make sure that what I write is relevant and useful! Just one e-mail from a helpful reader can spark off 10 ideas. (and also remind me that what is obvious to me isn't always obvious to others!)

Since I have been asking for help with this project, I have recieved far more than I bargained for! Enthusiasm, encouragement, inspiration, ideas, interest, the list goes on.

What are you doing right now that the vast resource that is 'other people' could help you with?

Love

Donna.x
PS the question that I have been asking is "What gets in the way of your self-care?" If you'd like to help me by answering that question, please get in touch. Thanks a million.

What you Can Control

"While we may not be able to control all that happens to us, we can control what happens inside us" Benjamin Franklin

When you feed the 'darkness' in you by worrying, moaning, being pessimistic and negative, you make a choice. To feed the darkness. It might not be a conscious choice, but it's a choice nonetheless.

There is a different choice you can make. Feed the light by being inspired, by dreaming big, by getting excited about your life, by falling in love with you, being optimistic and positive. It feels GREAT!

What choice will you make today?

Love

Donna.x

Bring Sunshine

"Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves."

J.M Barrie

Do you bring sunshine?

Love

Donna.x

Do It Anyway

Said Kent M. Keith:

"People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them. Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway."

Happy Friday!

Love

Donna.x

Viva Espana!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...I'm just getting back into the swing of things after a long weekend in Spain with my friend Debbie, her hubby Marcus, and the puppies Dani and Fug. It's nice to see that someone else's dogs steal shoes, underwear, and anything that isn't nailed down. I think our Mollie would get on well with Dani and Fug!

Anyway, it's been harder than I thought to get back into working...especially as I am off on a week's hols in Tenerife in 13 days (not that I'm counting!). It hardly seems worth starting anything... I'm a great believer in following my energy, and yesterday and today my energy is more scattered than focused on work stuff. It seems I need time to get used to being home.

Amazing that you can feel so disoriented after just 3 and a half days away! In times past, I would have ignored the signals that I need to ease back in, and just forced myself to push past the barriers and FOCUS. Just the thought of that now bewilders me. Why would you ignore the signals of your body, mind, heart and spirit? The reason is simple - because we think we 'should' be superwomen/men.

Never mind that you don't feel up to it, get on with it! Something I think the Spanish do rather well is to live life at their own pace, rather than at 1000 miles an hour. Looking out of my window at a grey, cold day, I realise that they also do weather rather well. Sigh. However, I am getting used to being back...and I find myself (now I've allowed a slow 'ease' back in) looking forward to getting on with some stuff.

What signals are you ignoring from your body, mind, heart and spirit?

Love

Donna.x

The Dog's B*******

Dogs have no problem being present.  They don’t worry about where the next meal is coming from, or what they’ve got to do tomorrow.  They might hope that a walk is coming in the near future, but in the meantime they can just be happy with having a snooze while they wait.  They are always pleased to see you, they totally accept you, even if you are still in your pyjamas at 2 in the afternoon and haven’t showered for 2 days.  They don’t care if you are ‘successful’ or ‘wealthy’.  As long as you love them, they love you right back.

 

Anyone else thinking we could learn from dogs?

 

Love

 

Donna.x

 

 

You Can Only Do What You're Doing

Following on from yesterday's mini-tizz, I had a chat with my friend Jon Willis this morning. Jon does 'The Work' and helped me today to go through the process with this 'I've got to do everything today' belief which was still lingering. What he helped me to realise was just how unhelpful this particular belief is. Not only is it stressful, it also ensures that I cannot be present in anything I'm doing.

Walking the dog, and worrying about what else I should be doing. Writing this, and worrying about what else I should be doing. Meeting friends I love to bits, and worrying about what I haven't done! I miss out on so much because I'm mentally elsewhere. In 'should've-land'. Completely pointless! As Jon pointed out, I can only do what I'm doing. Right now, I can only be writing this - I can't walk the dog while I write. Or write something else. Or write a card. Or anything else!

With that realisation, I can relax. And just do what I am doing in this moment. I will enjoy walking the dog when I get to that. I will thoroughly enjoy meeting my friends when I am doing that. In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy whatever I find myself doing in each moment. Hmm...sounds a bit like a recipe for a happy life!

Are you mentally in another time zone, or are you enjoying what you are doing right now? (you're reading this...so I hope you are making the effort to enjoy it too!!!!)

Love

Donna.x

So Little to do, So Much Time

Or is it the other way round? I've been getting myself in a minor tizz again this week - 3 days out of 5 out of the office, going to Spain on Friday, a to do list 4 pages long to be done! The funny thing is that I know it won't all be done. It's a physical impossibility to do everything I want to do (one of the things is write a book...not gonna happen this week!). And once I let go of wanting to do everything, I can relax and decide what I actually want to do.

Of my to do list of 56 items (give or take!), 1 has GOT to be done before Friday - travel insurance. 2 I really want to make sure are done - my cousin's birthday card and an article finished for next week. The rest? Well, the world won't collapse if I don't do the other 53 things. And this week would be a lot more fun if I didn't insist I 'have to'...in fact I think I'll make a game of it.

Here's the rules of the game: I'm allowed to go away for the weekend only having done those 3 things, and I get a bonus endorphin for each one I do WITHOUT any stress! So that's 53 extra endorphins ... on top of feeling good cos I'm relaxed and excited to be going away. Bonus.

What could you let go of 'having' to do this week? And how much more fun would life be if you relaxed and enjoyed the things that you do?

Love

Donna.x

Happy Friday!

I got this thought of the day from www.emofree.com today "Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy." Cynthia Nelms

Quite so. And if you need something to cheer you up, check this out http://mom2my6pack.blogspot.com/ - the blog of a mom of 6. Hilarious.

Have a great weekend!

Love

Donna.x

Of Insomnia and Blood Loss

The last couple of nights I have not slept well at all. After 32 years of insomnia, I finally got the magic formula in place to allow me to sleep well most of the time. But every month, I get a couple of days where I do not sleep at all well. I am not good when I don't sleep. I am aware there are people who can get by on 3 hours sleep...but I'm not one of them. 7 hours instead of 8 can make me very irritable.

And as for an entire evening of tossing and turning...despite being shattered (I don't mind so much if I'm not actually tired in the first place!)...well let's just say I'm not at my best and leave it there. Just don't annoy me today! Thankfully my client sessions for the day are now out of the way with only a little incoherence from me...and now I just have my to do list to do!

Trouble is, I'm also a pint of blood lighter. As I wasn't able to concentrate, I went off to Give Blood...it seemed like a good idea at the time! Unfortunately, I'm now even less inclined to go through and tick off my tasks for today. Sigh. So, I am going to have a bowl of chips with sour cream and have a little lie down. Maybe I'll feel more like doing my to do's later?

When your energy isn't 100%, is your focus on 'getting things done anyway' or on raising your energy so you can 'do' with more presence, wit (and in my case, brain cells!)? If you knew that the most important thing in life is that you feel good, what might you allow yourself to do (or not do) today?

Love

Donna.x
PS Give Blood. Now. I told you earlier, don't irritate me today!

You're Having a Laugh!

One of the things I love about what I do for a living is that I have a really good laugh with my clients. One of the things I love about my friends is that we laugh a lot. One of the things I love about life is laughter. And the thing I most like to do? You guessed it! Laugh.

When was the last time you laughed aloud? If you can’t remember, it’s too long ago.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to find a way to get yourself laughing aloud. As soon as possible.

“the most wasted of all days is that on which one has not laughed” Nicholas Chamfort. Don’t waste this day.

Love and laughter!

Donna.x

The Why's and Wherefore's of a chocolate habit

This week's newsletter covered the subject of 'self-destruct' - the notion that we all do things that we know are bad for us! I have created a worksheet for looking at the why's and wherefore's of a bad habit, and I thought I'd work through it myself:

1. What are you getting from this bad habit? (aim for at least 5 answers. )
A nice taste
Comfort
Something to do with my hands
Something to do with my mouth
I avoid feeling when I’m hitting chocolate
An energy ‘fix’
2. What is it costing you? (not just money, peace of mind, relationship, health etc)
Energy (ironically!)
Health – it lies on my hips
Peace of mind, because I’m constantly arguing with myself about whether to have chocolate
I’m embarrassed about it, and I hide it from my family (oh, the shame!)
If I go anywhere, I have to have a chocolate ‘fix’ with me
3. What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t do this anymore?
I’d become a puritan (if you only knew how ridiculous that answer is!)
4. What would you miss most if you gave it up?
That first taste of lovely chocolate!
5. What would be better if you gave it up?
I wouldn’t be surrounded by empty wrappers, I’d not be heckling myself for doing it, my weight would probably stabilise, my energy would be higher and more consistent, I wouldn’t have to think about being embarrassed about it or taking it with me on holiday!!!
6. For each of the answers to question 1, think of 3 other ways you could get that? A nice taste -> cheese, apples, chicken and white wine soup
Comfort -> a blanket, a hug, cup a soup
Something to do with my hands -> doing a jigsaw, knit, play the piano
Something to do with my mouth -> sing, a dummy (!), boiled sweets
I avoid feeling when I’m hitting chocolate -> watch tv, work, play with the dog
An energy ‘fix’ -> nuts/fruit, exercise, sleep
7. On a scale of 1-10, how much do you want to ‘stop’ this bad habit? What would boost that score up the scale by 1? (and keep asking that question until it’s a 10!) If it’s less than a 7, chances are you will find it difficult, because you don’t want to!
6/10. What would boost it up to a 7 would be eating so much I was sick! (actually that would probably boost it to a 10) What would boost it to an 8 would be if the energy drop was more obvious. What would boost it to a 9 would be if I saw how bad it is for me. And a 10 would be if it made me poorly.
8. IF you don’t really want to stop, what would have to change for that to be ok? (EG for you to be happy with your ‘bad’ habit?)
For me to have less, and to be ok if I was staying with a friend and didn’t have any!
9. If you knew it would be easy to stop your bad habit (no cravings, no pain) would you?
Yes.
10. IF the answer to this question is yes, what would make it easier for you to stop?
Cut down bit by bit until I wouldn’t really notice if I stopped entirely. Noticing what need I'm trying to fill when I crave a piece of chocolate and checking if there's another way to do that before I go choca-barmy! Noticing the joy of the first bite...and when that joy stops, stopping eating!

Hmmm...I find that I can think of the piece of chocolate sitting in my drawer without craving it.

Interesting.

What 'bad' habits can you put through this wringer?

Love

Donna.x

Rediscover the Thrill of the Chase

I recently bought myself some 'self-care' and 'Grace' cards from Cheryl Richardson. (I like to pull a card every day to give me some insight into my own self care) Over the weekend, a card that came up was 'Patience: be willing to sacrifice good for great'.

Contemplate that for a minute.

The world we live in is a full on, instant, now, now, now kind of world. Any gratification must be instantaneous or we won't bother. Nothing is worth the effort. If it takes more than 5 minutes, why bother? Ok, it's a sweeping generalisation, and many of us don't really live like that. This card has stayed with me, I keep worrying at it, like a loose tooth.

Not only does the idea of 'great' over 'good' appeal to me, it also includes the thrill of the chase - the idea of working towards something fantastic, something wonderful, and reveling in the journey, as well as the achievement of the goal. You'll never take this part of your journey again - are you feeling the adrenalin rush of chasing the life you want? Are you enjoying the chase?

Or are you moaning that the life you want isn't here yet? Which one do you think would be the most fun?

Love

Donna.x

If Life Seems Jolly Rotten

If Life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing

From 'Always look on the Bright side of life' by Monty Python

Have you laughed and smiled and danced and sung today?

Love

Donna.x

On Laziness

"Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired."

Mortimer Caplan

Sounds like wisdom to me!

Happy Bank Holiday!

Love

Donna.x

Nurturing the Soul

There is a place close to me where air (it’s the windiest place on earth!), earth (surrounded by trees), water (a reservoir) and fire (sun) come together. Whenever I have the combination of a sunny day and an hour to spare, I go there with the dog. It was only today that I realised that it has the 4 elements (and probably the fifth, ether…it’s pretty magical!), and how much the place nurtures my soul.

When I go there, the cobwebs are (literally - it is ridiculously windy) blown away, my mind can empty, and the most amazing ideas come to me. It is incredibly inspirational to be there.

Today’s inspiration was about how I can help my clients, readers and friends more. I have been enjoying some audio recordings provided by Michele Lisenbury Christenson lately, and getting immense value from them. So, today I would love to get your input – if I were to do an audio just for you, what subject would you like it to be on? (and you never know, I might just do it…for free!) E-mail me, or leave a comment.

And where do you know that nurtures your soul? (not just the Seychelles! Pick somewhere you could go every day if you wanted to) Do you go there regularly?

Love

Donna.x

Maybe They Won't LIke Me

Unusually today, this is a crossover post between my own blog, and the Your Natural Way blog. This is a central idea to the Your Natural Way philosophy...and to my philosophy that 'Life's a Beach'. Your Authentic, Natural, True self is your best self.

People often worry that if they expose their real self, other people won't like them. And that would be bad. It is a really common misconception, and I'm not entirely sure where it comes from (possibly the skool daze, where anything different had other kids pointing and laughing!).

But here's what I know from working with hundreds of people to be more authentic in life and business:
- authentic people are a heck of a lot more likeable than those who wear a mask
- there is a certain energy around authentic, natural people that other people like
- everyone wants more authenticity, so the more natural you are, the more other people seem to gravitate towards you
- when you are being your most natural, authentic self, you don't really care what other people think.
- If someone doesn't like the 'real' you, it's ok...we're not all compatible with one another. When you are natural, and someone else doesn't like that, you are happy to let them get on with it - knowing that you are being your best self.
- being yourself gives other people permission to do the same around you, and that is the greatest gift you can give.

Don't worry that people might not like the 'real' you - trust me, YOU will like yourself a whole lot more when you stop pretending to be someone else.

Love

Donna.x

Wonderful Words

Have you ever noticed that the english language (and for that matter, every language) is full of wonderful words? I'm busy creating a 'body confidence' workshop at the moment, and part of that is to look at the words we use about ourselves - all too often it's not 'stunning', 'gorgeous', 'beautiful', 'irresistable' but 'fat', 'ugly', 'stupid'.

You may think that your language is unimportant, but there is power in words. (think of the power the media have...it's all words) And not only are there some magnificent words that we can use for ourselves, there are also just magnificent words - words that make you feel good! I love the words 'remarkable', 'barmy', 'ecstatic'...just to hear them and use them makes me smile.

I could go on with a hundred more marvelous words...but instead I'll set you a challenge. Notice today (this week, this month, this year...) what words excite and amuse you. Then use them!

Gramatically yours

Love

Donna.x

Chaos under the Heavens

Chinese proverb:

“There is chaos under the heavens and the situation is excellent.”

I came across this quote a while ago, and for some reason, just love it. Let's face it, life is mainly mayhem...might as well enjoy and appreciate that!

Wishing you a chaotic, and excellent weekend!

Love

Donna.x

Funny Memories

An old friend I've been back in touch with via Facebook (my favourite procrastination tool!) has been reminding me of funny memories today. Who knew that the word 'composure' could have me in fits of laughter for 5 minutes? Well, Mark did. But I'd completely forgotten. It got me thinking about other funny memories - sheldon high street (Julie), the roof of my parent's house (Claire), Warwick Castle (another Julie), the Wombles (Zena)...

I have so many memories of laughing so hard my cheeks hurt...and it's given me a lovely morning to wallow in those and laugh aloud again...just at the memory. I find it hard to believe that sometimes I take myself a bit seriously...but I do! I forget that laughter is my favourite state of being. Remembered laughter has re-awoken my sense of the ridiculous...and put me right back in my rightful place as a giggler!

Do you spend time enjoying your funny memories? Do you take yourself far too seriously sometimes? Stop being sensible...start laughing.

Love

Donna.x

Keep Your Pecker Up

With my clients (and myself) I have noticed a definite cycle of highs and lows - one week you are fully cared for, fully energetic and feeling great...a couple of weeks later the self care has slipped, the energy is low, and you're feeling low. I highly recommend that you notice these ups and downs and take steps to keep the levels high.

For example, I know I feel at my best when I am cared for, energetic and enthusiastic, so I notice when any of those dip below about 70%, and take steps. A few of the things that help me 'keep my pecker up' are reading and listening to inspirational people; taking 'me' time daily; walking in nature daily (although probably not today as it's pissing down!); listening to loud music, and reading trashy novels.

Imagine if you could glide gracefully through life's ups and downs without crashing and burning every few months. Imagine further if life could just be great, all the time...

What are you doing to keep your pecker up? ;-)

Love

Donna.x

The Rules

These are my rules (for me):

1. Self care
2. Gratitude
3. Vision
4. Inspired Action
5. Be present
6. Allow others to be where they are

The good thing about these rules is that when life feels difficult I can go back to step 1: self care.

It all stems from there.

What are your rules for yourself? And do they nurture you or make life harder for you?

Love

Donna.x

Waiting for Inspriation to Hit

There are times when no matter how much I 'think', I can't think of a darn thing to say. I know I have tons of things I could write about, but they are unfortunately locked down in a brain that is full of cotton wool. My throat infection has cleared up, leaving a lovely snotty nose and thick head in it's wake. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the difference - feeling like I'm swallowing razor blades is never good news.

So, today's lesson is: When inspiration isn't striking, maybe it's time to do something else - in my case, snooze! I'm certain I'll be inspired once I've had a snooze. Not that it'll hit the blog til Monday though - I suspect my afternoon snooze will spell the end of the working week for me.

Have a great weekend!

Love

Donna.x

Nothing Wrong

What are you doing wrong? Nothing.

What is wrong with you? Nothing.

What is the source of the dissatisfaction in your life? Thinking that you're doing it wrong or there's something wrong with you!

Could you believe that you are perfect just as you are?

Love

Donna.x

I Wanna Be...

Following on from yesterday's post, I wanted to share with you something I do daily - I decide three things that I want to be today. Today it is calm, gentle and kind - the main recipient of this is me because I have a throat infection and feel very sorry for myself! Imagine that. Not only being calm, gentle and kind to others, but also calm, gentle and kind to yourself.

Phew, that's just what the doctor ordered!

Who do you want to be today?

Love

Donna.x

Who Do You Want to BE?

As a coach, I am in the business of helping people to change their lives to what they want to be, do and have. Most people only really think about what they want to do, and what they want to have. What about who you want to be? Often this is the reason behind the doing and having anyway...we just don't look at it. For example, I want a thriving business so that I can BE financially free, successful, relaxed.

I want a boyfriend because I want to be loved and adored ;-). When you take it back to who you want to be, you realise something very interesting. You can BE those things before you have and do. I am already loved, adored, relaxed, successful and financially free (to an extent!). And 'being' more loveable, adorable, relaxed, successful and financially free will allow me to have more and do more that give me that feeling. It's a virtuous circle.

So, who do you want to be?

Love

Donna.x

Groundhog Day

Regular readers will know that I have a penchant for crap, schmaltzy films. Yesterday I caught the last hour or so of Groundhog Day - pure schmaltz! Once again, these cheesy films have a serious message - maybe this repeated day isn't a curse, suggests Andie MacDowell. How do you see your 'groundhog day's? Those repetitive, get up, go to work, same old, same old kind of days - we all have them...do you see yours as a curse or a gift?

Imagine if you really did repeat exactly the same day again and again, what would you do? Bill (Murray) saved some lives, learnt to play piano, did some ice sculpture, and ended by doing lots of good deeds and becoming the most popular guy in town. It's only when he is genuinely doing his best to be a good man that he is allowed to move onto another day...

Ok, we aren't doomed (or blessed) to repeat the day again and again until we get it right, but if you did have a day that would repeat over and over, what would you do? What would you learn? What would you do differently? What new skill would you pick up? Go on, have a think about it - if you had that day repeated 100 times, what would you do with it?

Once you get past the 'spend a fortune at the shops' type answers and into the 'learn french' or 'train as a nurse' type answers...why aren't you doing them now? There may be a very good reason why not (like 'learning to ski'...'can't be arsed'!), but there also might be things on there that there is no good reason not to do today.

Love

Donna.x

Intuitively

I have long been an advocate of following your intuition...and today I realised that I miss half of my intuitive nudges as 'random thought's or 'I can't do that's. Take today, I got a nudge to e-mail Sara Cox (radio 1 DJ), because she inspired the next edition of my newsletter. Normally, I wouldn't have followed that...but today I did.

I have no idea what the outcome of that 'nudge' will be, but it barely matters - the buzz from following that intuitive nudge was worth it, and now I know a little better what the voice of inspiration sounds like, and that voice knows I'm listening so it's more likely to talk (after all, why bother talking if you're not being heard?).

I wonder what flashes of inspiration you are dismissing as momentary barmy thoughts?

Love

Donna.x

Life's a Beach

What with the magnificent weather (ok, we've had 3 days of it...and yes, I am getting carried away), and the summer holidays well under way, it occurred to me that a renewed explanation of the whole concept that 'life's a beach' is in order. I work one to one with people to help them change their lives so that 'real' life becomes a holiday!

You know how on holiday you are relaxed, calm, happy, joyful, having fun? Well, I don't see why life can't be like that 52 weeks a year. You don't necessarily need to be on the beach to be relaxed, calm, happy, joyful, having fun do you? But this seems to be pretty much the only time that a lot of people manage to be all of those at once. There is no earthly reason why you should have a life that is 90% crap, and 10% good.

Life's a Beach - and the quicker you realise it, the faster you can get a life that feels like a holiday!

Love

Donna.x

Happy 200th post!

Well, I was on my way into my account, wondering what the heck I would write about today when I spotted the interesting statistic '199 posts'. Meaning, that this baby is the 200th. How the dickens did that happen?! Especially as number 100 slipped past without me even noticing. Now, as I write on a few blogs, publish a couple of newsletters, and seem to write quite a lot, I often get asked 'how' to write.

Simple. Write. Looking back at some of the things I have written over the past year, I can say I have written some bilge! I have also written some really good stuff, which has been fun for me, and useful for readers. Whether it's bilge or brilliance, the key is to do it and keep doing it. The same applies to anything you want to do - you can't climb a mountain in one huge bound, you must take it one step at a time.

One action at a time will take you inexorably towards the life that you want. One at a time, until suddenly there are 200...and you are better at taking action, because you do it all the time. With the writing example, my articles are better now than they were when I first starting writing 3 years ago, and in another 3 years, I will be a better writer still...not because I sit around wishing I wrote better, but because I write.

What do you wish you could do...that you just don't do?! And might today be the time to start, so this time next year you can say 'blimey, look how far I've come?'

Love

Donna.x

How to Waste Time and Throw Sheep at People

I have one word for you:

Facebook.

My favourite procrastination aide-du-jour. Now, I could attempt to build a business case for fecking around on Facebook - to do with networking, making contacts and deepening connections - however, today it's all been about getting back in touch with old mates. My Monday Morning was very exciting because I heard from an old mate I haven't seen in years. Hazah!

Even better, there's an app in Facebook that allows you to poke, cuddle, buy beer for, and best of all, throw sheep at, your friends. It has been a source of some astonishment to me today that I am so deeply entertained by that fact. I think I need to get away from t'internet...it's getting a little silly. And I haven't got a stitch of work done when not on the phone to a client.

Have you thrown a sheep at someone today? (VIRTUALLY. Please don't try this in the 'real' world.)

Love

Donna.x

Goodbye Jackie

Yesterday I was at a funeral for a family friend. Death and funerals really test my ability to see the bright side, and bring up all my reactions to this optimistic shit! There's nothing bloody good about it!

But of course, there is. I would much rather there hadn't been a funeral...but there was, so I looked deep for the silver lining in this particular cloud. There were well over 100 people there, all who loved Jackie and wanted to be there to express that. It brought together people who had not seen each other for years, and I got to spend a day with family and friends.

It would be nice if it had been in better circumstances, but nevertheless I am grateful for the opportunity to have family friends look at me askance, telling me they remember me as 'a little blonde girl'. I am grateful for the chance to meet the kids while they are still little and giggly. And I am grateful I knew Jackie and have memories of her that make me smile.

I hope her eccentricity goes with her wherever she's gone.

Love

Donna.x

Why Worry?

Shantideva said

“If you can solve your problem, then what's the need of worrying? If you cannot solve it, then what's the use of worrying?”

Good question!

Love

Donna.x

Down Memory Lane

I have been racking my brains for something important, relevant and life-changing (like the usual posts!) for you today...but all I can think of is that a band I like are doing a Greatest Hits tour this winter.

No, not the Spice Girls!

A band I am sure you've never heard of - Shed 7. Britpop pioneers (apparently), and good live band. Part of the excitement is that I haven't listened to any of their albums for about 5 years - in fact, it took me half an hour to find them because they'd been put in the 'I don't listen to this' place. And most of the excitement is the nostalgia...Speakeasy reminds me (not of an advert) of winter and long hot baths (don't ask why, I have no idea!). Chasing Rainbows reminds me of smoky clubs and good times.

And the gig itself reminds me of dragging my friend along to see them, bouncing up and down for a couple of hours, and coming home from wolverhampton partially deaf. Can't wait to recreate the experience!

Next time something takes you down memory lane, take the time to really appreciate the nostalgia - we have all had good times that just get forgotten...it's lovely to relive some of the highlights (but without the hangovers and the knowledge of a mid-twenties crisis looming!).

Love

Donna.x

Do You Want To?

Interesting question isn't it? Do you want to? How often do you ask yourself this? I ask myself if I want to A LOT. It normally explains why I'm procrastinating or endlessly debating whether to do something or not. Take this morning and my dance class - shall I or shan't I? I woke up with this question in mind. Shall I or shan't I? Well, I've got lots to do here, but I really enjoy it. I don't know if I feel like it but I know it's a laugh. I could do something else instead but I love my dance class.

And ultimately: Do I want to? NO! If I did, I wouldn't be wondering whether or not to go! I'd be getting ready to go. Despite the fact that I love my dance class, it's fun, I have a laugh, I like to see my friends there, I enjoy it, and it helps me get fit ...I didn't want to go! No particular reason, just didn't want to. And I'm glad I didn't go, because I got to do some other stuff that I wouldn't have got to otherwise.

I know sometimes it's not much of a choice, but at least ask the question. For example, do I want to go to work today? NO. Do I want to go to work any day? NO. I have to go to work...but that answer tells me I need to find something else to do with my days. That's a real conversation I had with myself 8 years ago...and again 4 years ago. See, you can 'make' yourself do anything - go to a job you hate, be with a partner you don't love, go to a dance class...

...but why do that if you don't want to?

Love

Donna.x

Finding Yourself

Have you ever heard the saying that what you want to find in the outside world is already inside you? Have you ever known anyone who goes away to 'find themselves'? Why would you go away to do this when it is inside?

Well, as someone who did this, I can tell you that sometimes you just cannot see what is inside. I went travelling in Australia for a year and discovered a relaxed, joyful, optimistic, fun, loving, peaceful, spontaneous, decisive Donna I previously hadn't suspected existed! Sometimes you need the change of scenery to see yourself.

There's another way...just start searching inside for what you want. I'm glad I didn't know this 7 years ago, or I might not have gone away...and now I don't need such drastic action! What are you looking for? What are your ambitions? What will they bring you? Success? Joy? Love? Peace of Mind? Look inside and you will see that you are already successful, joyful, loving (and loved), and underneath all the chaos hides peace of mind!

Some people fear to look inside, thnking they might not like what they see. What they don't realise is that your soul, your insides are the most beautiful thing in the world. Go on, take a look...

Love

Donna.x

13 Going On 30

I like a good chick flick. I also like a good teen flick. Put the 2 together, and you have a marvellous way to spend a Sunday afternoon. Not only that, but you also have a great lesson for life, should you choose to look for it.

Now you may think that the movie '13 going on 30' is pure schmaltz, brainless tv from fantasy-land...but you may have missed something. There's a really serious lesson here that we all need. When you become an adult, you are supposed to 'grow up' 'mature' and become sensible. The trouble is, that doesn't make most of us that happy. Once you're grown up, you can't be silly, you can't be immature, you can't need anyone else and you must get it right.

Now it's serious. Pah. I stick my tongue out in the general direction of that idea. It's cobblers. I plan to live til I'm 105, so I still consider myself at 34, a kid! I hope to still consider myself a kid right up until I'm 105...because let's face it, the more I learn, the more I realise I don't know. But here's what my pre-teen self knew that is still true:

- laughing is the best way to spend your time
- dragging your friends along to play is more fun
- enthusiasm is infectious (if sometimes misguided!)
- life is for fun, laughter, silliness, childishness
- grown ups are really boring sometimes

What have you forgotten that you knew for sure when you were young? If you were still young (even at 105), what would you want to remember?

Love

Donna.x
Last one to start laughing is a rotten egg!

Another good reason to be healthy

Health and cheerfulness mutually beget each other

Joseph Addison 1672-1719

Love

Donna.x

Stating the Bleedin' Obvious

Recently I noticed something interesting - there is a correlation between how tired I am and how positive I am. When I am tired, things look more difficult...they feel more difficult...I am less energetic and optimistic. When I am not tired, I am absurdly optimistic, life is great and everything is very easy.

Now you may be thinking "well, d'uh". Of course there is a connection! And you would be absolutely right to do so, as it is obvious. But somehow, I had missed making the connection fully - I knew that I wasn't quite as 'switched on' when I was tired, but I hadn't done anything with that knowledge. I was still trying to do as much in a day as I do when I am 10 out of 10 energetic and rested...and wondering why it didn't work!

I am guessing that I am not the only idiot in the village. So many of us wonder 'why' we're not achieving so much with our day today, when the answer is simple...we need more rest! If you're not feeling 100% today, notice that your energy stocks need replenishment, in any way that works for you. Notice also that if you're physically under par, your emotions will be affected too (well, d'uh! Right?).

What do you need to do to recharge to 100%?

Love

Donna.x

Never say Never (or Always)

I had an interesting conversation with a client recently, where they stated emphatically that they were always one thing and never another. With a little more questioning, they revealed that wasn't quite true, occassionally they were the opposite - in fact they could think of several situations where they were not what they always are! Never and always are interesting words...and usually lies! I am always cheerful...except when I'm not. I'm always right...except when I'm not. I'm always easy going, except when I am a tyrant!

My friend noted the other day that I never say a bad word about anyone (she hasn't been in the car with me when I'm behind a slow driver lately!). Never and always are words that will catch you out - sod's law states that the second you say you never get ill, you will get ill! No one likes to be wrong, so just never say never...and never say always either. Because ultimately, you don't know what tomorrow will bring...and I like surprises!

Love

Donna.x

A Diamond in the Compost Heap

In my newsletter yesterday I talked about finding the positive spin in a situation. Now it's all very well for me to say this...it can be harder to do! But there is always a positive spin. A friend of mine is in a really tough situation right now, and she e-mailed me yesterday to say that at first she wondered what I was on, then she realised that there was a positive angle to be seen.

It made me think that some examples might be useful to you. Before I do that - this is not about saying 'hey I'm really glad that I have a horrible illness' but about making the best of a situation you are in anyway! Here's the thing - reality is there whether you like it or not...may as well make the best of it, I say! So, here's some examples for you:

• Being skint gives you a chance (reminder) to work on your financial integrity and work out what 'financial freedom' looks like to you.
• Having chronic fatigue syndrome has helped me to set boundaries about what I can and can't do - it also reminds me to take excellent care of myself as if I don't, my body will react badly!
• My mom having a heart attack made me realise how much I love her and how much the family took her for granted. It also gave her a great incentive to look after herself for a change.

What is happening in your life that needs a bit of positive spin?

Love

Donna.x

Smile Like you Mean It

Any tennis fans out there? If you are, you may have taken an interest in more than the singles' finals this weekend, and seen Jamie Murray and Jelena Jankovic lift the mixed doubles title. Now, my interest in these two is partly because I like double's contests, partly because Jamie Murray is a Brit, and partly because of the clear joy they have in playing these games.

You watch any sports contest between top players, and you will see determination, grit, fire, adrenalin and focus. Rarely do you see fun, joy, smiles, laughter. Jelena Jankovic managed to laugh her way through the entire tournament, joking with the crowd, inviting the ball boy to join her, smiling constantly and clearly thoroughly enjoying herself. This obviously affected Jamie, who also smiled and laughed a lot.

It was wonderful to watch. It is a delight to watch joy in action - and this was joy in action. I wish to thank both of them for being little rays of sunshine to my weekend - their obvious enjoyment increased my enjoyment of my weekend, and reminded me to laugh and have fun, whatever I'm doing.

Are you laughing and having fun, whatever you're doing?

Love

Donna.x

Today's Note from the Universe

This really made me chuckle today - if you don't sign up for these daily 'notes from the universe', do it now - www.tut.com.

"Arms up and out, half bent, hands just above head level, facing your peeps waving in a circular fashion. Subtly sway to the left, then to the right. Keep with it, back and forth. Don't stop waving. Now mix in a gentle bob, up and down... That's right, Donna, good...
Now add a little, "Whoo-hooooo, Whoo-hoooo....." as you sway.

Perfect.

Just 5 seconds of this happy dance, just 5 seconds, even when feeling blue, will always make you smile. Your smile will lift your spirits. Your spirits will summon ancient friends. And your friends will raise you higher into the light. Works every time.

This has been a public service announcement brought to you by.... The Universe

Ever read my mother's book, DANDELION? About a little horse that can't find her place in life... until she does! I cry every time I read it. And Dr. Wayne Dyer says, "Dandelion is a marvelous story of the triumph of spirit."
Hardback copies are still being personalized and autographed! Dandelion!
Thoughts become things... choose the good ones! ® © www.tut.com ®

No one said shimmy, Donna. "

Have a magnificent weekend!

Love

Donna.x

Don't let the Rain get you down

I’ve noticed something surprising this week – It’s been raining for about a month, and I am not getting depressed when I see another rainy sky.  It’s most curious.  I am normally a very ‘weather affected’ person.

 

I think, finally, I have stopped letting things beyond my control get me down (although, put an old dear in an 07 reg car pootling along in front of me when I can’t overtake, and that will be put to the test!).  I can’t choose the weather…but I can choose how I react to it.  I can be miserable because it’s pishing down and has been for weeks, or I can make the best of things.

 

A great way to do this is to be grateful.  Grateful that the grass can grow, that my house isn’t flooded, that I haven’t been washed away in flood water, that we won’t get a hosepipe ban (surely!), that I have my health, that I have had some comedy moments in the rain…

 

Ultimately, it will rain whether or not you are fed up about it…so why bother?  Let the sky cry, while you grin cheerfully back.

 

Love

 

Donna.x

 

www.donnaonthebeach.co.uk

Awakening purpose, passion and joy in the world - subscribe to the newsletter now at www.donnaonthebeach.co.uk/home/pages/newsletters.htm

Check out the blog - http://donnaonthebeach.blogspot.com/

 

One of those days

Just in case anyone else is having one of those days, I want to tell you what I did this morning...

I walked the dog to the recycling centre with a couple of bags of clothes - went up to the clothes bin, hoisted all the bags into the bin. Chore done, we continued towards the fields on our walk. Once we got into the fields, I realised I didn't have the bag with her poop scoop in it...I'd hoisted that into the recycling bin too! Oops. With no live poo in it (unless yesterday's poo wasn't cleared out...ugh). Sigh.

At this point I realised I should probably go back to bed for the day!

If you're having one of those days, remember to see the funny side.

Love

Donna.x

A Physical Being

For the past 3 months, my excuse for not doing any yoga has been that I need a new yoga mat. I finally got round to buying one at the weekend, and have since been exploring the flexibility of my body (conclusion: I am as flexible as a dry twig!). After an exercise hiatus, I am this week getting back into the habit of doing yoga, dancing, walking and swimming...and just 3 days in to the new routine, I feel a thousand times better.

The 21st century encourages a largely sedentary lifestyle in too many of us, with exercise just one more thing to be fitted into a busy day. The irony is that exercise makes that busy day easier. Admit it, you feel better when you exercise - your circulation, heart rate and happiness rate all improve. When your brain is oxygenated, you can work smarter, and when you are physically tired, you sleep better.

Even though we know all this, we still have 201 excuses not to do exercise! So here's what I did: I decided the minimum that I would be happy with each week, and have committed to that. I can do more if I want to (which I always do), but I've made it so easy that it would actually be harder to find an excuse not to exercise!

Remember that you are a physical being, and today decide what teensy, easy thing you could do to get that body moving. Oh yeah, and then do it!

Love

Donna.x

Blue skies and buckets of water

Anyone who isn't in the UK at the moment may not know how much fun the British Summer this year is. So far, we've had 2 weeks of good weather in April...and that's it. Summer officially began in June and it's pished it down ever since. The weird thing is that when the clouds disappear (for 4 seconds) and there is blue sky and sunshine, it's bloomin hot! And when it rains...it RAINS!

I went out to walk the dog today, and was lucky with the weather for 38 minutes of the 40 minute walk. Unfortunately, in the other 2 minutes, it RAINED. I looked like I had a bucket of water chucked at me. And then had the bizarre experience of walking back to the house soaking wet with not a cloud in the sky. Anyone who missed the sudden downpour would have assumed I'd just thrown myself in a stream.

It got me thinking...sometimes life takes you by surprise. And all you can do is laugh. (after scowling at the sky, running under a tree and shaking like a wet dog)

Love

Donna.x

I'm Back Y'All

Have you missed me?

A few people have asked where I went...it was terribly glamorous, so I don't want you to get jealous! I was in Tile Hill, Coventry. Catsitting. Now you may think (and you'd be right) that cat-sitting isn't exactly the most strenuous of activities, and perhaps doesn't warrant a week off...BUT it was great!

I feel enormously relaxed now - boy, did I need some time off! And as I am catching up frantically today, and want to keep this short, I shall just ask you...

Do you need some time off?

Love

Donna.x

A Jolly Holi-blog

Or should that be a blog-i-day?

Anyway, what I wanted to say today was that I will be absent from the blog for a week or so. I am having a glamourous holiday...well, actually I am house sitting for a friend, and taking the opportunity to rest, relax and ignore my laptop for a few days! Hazah. I can't wait. Even if it is a holiday in Midlands suburbia (4 miles from my house!), it's still a change of scenery and a chance to rest and relax...and they have a GREAT DVD collection!

Take your recharge time where you can find it.

Love

Donna.x

Even Bad Pub Singers Can be Fun

It's all about attitude. Following my excursion to London to listen to magnificent music and thoroughly throw my heart and soul into the experience, I had the misfortune to be in the pub last night with someone who has the 'worst pub singers in the land' CD and is faithfully reproducing it. It was the point at which my friend and I were trying to figure out what song it was, and realised it was the Kooks (done in the style of a pub singer) that we realised this could be excruciating!

Now I freely admit to being a total music snob. I love credible music. I like to hear good songs done well. One of my pet hates is good songs done badly. So last night was trial by warble for me...Green Day in the style of a pub singer? AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaargh. And then I remembered that it was my choice to be so badly affected by it - the story I told myself was 'oh my god, he is murdering Green Day. How dare he? Oh, this is awful. Please God let it end!'

That story is never going to result in joyful participation...so I decided to change my attitude in the 2nd half. This was tested within 40 seconds of the restart with a pub-singer style butchering of the Kaiser Chiefs. However, I decided to see the humour...and there was much to laugh at. The odd 'woo's from the singer in random places, the overexcited tambourine player, and the sheer astonishment of a 20-something year old stereotypical pub singer.

I laughed pretty much constantly for the 2nd set. He was no better (to my ears - many in the pub loved him), but the story I told myself was totally different - 'oh, this is funny. Name that tune in 703, what on earth is that 'woo' about?! Is he taking the p&^%?'

What story are you telling yourself about something you are not enjoying? Change the story, change the experience. That doesn't mean I'll be back in the pub next Monday...

Love

Donna.x

No one's going to take me alive

Yesterday was a FANTASTIC day! I went to see Muse at Wembley Arena - deservedly voted best live act at many a music award ceremony. There is a moment, when arms aloft, throat fully open and singing back to the stage, I am entirely connected with all that is right with the world.

Loud music, joy, friendship, love, passion, wonder.

Your list of what is right with the world might be slightly different...but when was the last time you connected to it? Do you have appointments to do so on a regular basis? Can you recall it whenever you need to? Okay, nothing beats the live experience, but the CD full blast can recall it quite satisfactorily!

Here's to a life that brings you many of these moments of connnection to all that is right with the world...

Love

Donna.x

This Question Could Change Your Life

What if nothing was more important than that you felt good?

What might change?

What would have to go from your life?

What would you add?

Worse case scenario: you'd feel good all your life.

Hmm...doesn't sound too bad to me!!!

So, what if nothing was more important than that you felt good?

Love

Donna.x

Cramming an Elephant into a Matchbox

Have you any idea how magnificent you are? Any idea what a gift you are to the world? What if the world was waiting for you to show up as your very best and most wonderful self?

Stop now. How connected are you to the truth that you are amazing? On a scale of 1-10?

This subject has been brought home in stark relief to me today as I realised that I had been hiding my brilliance, and showing up as smaller than I really am. Like cramming an elephant into a matchbox. And let me tell you, it was not a comfortable place to be! I wonder if your hiding place is comfortable? I'm not talking about physically...I'm still in the realm of metaphor - so it's a spiritual discomfort.

You know that feeling that there is more to life? More to you? That's what I'm talking about. There is. More to life. More to you. More passion, joy and love to be accessed. More brilliance to be shone.

Let me tell you something. You are fantastic. Truly awesome. And if you don't yet know that, 10 out of 10, you will. And if you want some help to see it, 10 out of 10, get in touch now - this is what I do.

Love

Donna.x

Back to Basics

Yesterday I put my foot on the accelerator pedal, and somehow manage to do my back in! It is quite an achievement as I did nothing different, nothing bizarre - I didn't try to wrap my leg once round my neck first...I just went to accelerate and YEOUCH! The interesting thing about having a bad back is that you realise just how much you take your back for granted.

Suddenly, turning over in bed is a new experience and fraught with danger, walking becomes something to concentrate on, sitting still is a must. Reaching for a tin has the potential to put you into spasms of agony, and trips to the loo turn into a half-hour of fun (or torture, depending on your perspective!). Everything you do all day is related to your back.

So, today, I have been back to basics - I am only doing what I absolutely must do, and doing it slowly and with concentration. Despite my fears that the world might end if I didn't walk the dog or vacuum the house (shhh - don't even mention the vac in front of my back!), it hasn't.

Just for today, get back to basics. Self-care, fun and laughter. Anything else can wait until tomorrow.

love

Donna.x

Who's Queen?

I have just been watching Blackadder - the 2nd one, with the magnificent Miranda Richardson as Queenie.

"Grey is customary your majesty" says Melchett
"Who's Queen?" replies the Queen sternly
"Yes, your majesty. The pink Elephant..."

This builds on what I was saying yesterday. Trust yourself. Queenie does not let anyone else's opinion sway her - she is in charge of her own kingdom. Granted, there is a teensy bit of abuse of power...but the lesson remains - be true to yourself, be strong in yourself, stand up for your own decisions, and make those decisions with confidence.

Who's Queen in your life?

Love

Donna.x

Trust in me, just in me

How much do you trust in yourself? When you have a decision to make, who do you talk it through with? On Saturday, I was umming and ahing whether to go out with a man I had met...on the one hand, I knew what I wanted (or didn't want) to do. On the other hand, a thousand other voices in my head were telling me to go for it, no wonder I am single if I refuse dates, why the hell not, maybe you'll connect on a date in a way you didn't when you met...

And so on. I considered talking it through with a friend, and then decided to talk it through with myself - my friends will only say the same as I do (I picked them, I know what they will say!). So I had a little chat with myself. I changed one thing though - the voices that tell me I'm a useless, antisocial git had to be constructive! So rather than accusing myself of being an antisocial git, I raised the point that it could be seen this way.

Which allowed me to see how ridiculous that argument is. Just because I am single, does not mean I have to go on dates...it means I can if I want. There are people who will say I'm too choosy (they never met some of my ex's), and people who will say that I should give him a chance. However, I am a busy woman, and I do not spend time with people just because they are there! I spend time with people I have a connection with.

And here's the decider for trusting me - I am really good at spotting if there is a connection with someone. I have been in business for 3 years, and one of the key skills I've learnt is relationship building (which includes relationship severing - why waste time with people you don't connect with?). This is not to insult this chap - he is a nice bloke. There was just no connection on this occasion for me. Who knows what will happen in the future?!

The actual circumstances of this decision are largely irrelevant - the most important thing is that I had a decision to make, and I made it all by myself (well, mostly - I also got a call that cemented my decision, but that's another story!). I trusted myself to know what's best for me. I didn't do what I thought I 'should' do, or what anyone else thought I 'should' do. And do you know what? I am unreasonably proud of that fact!

If you trusted yourself, what decision would you make today?

Love

Donna.x

Let's get Happy

I'm reading Michael Neill's 'Feel Happy Now' at the moment, and there is a cool exercise in there - how happy are you now, on a scale of 1-10? What could you do to take yourself one point higher? EG if you're a 7, what could you do now to take yourself to an 8?

Sounds quite simple, eh? Yes, and I've been experimenting with this for a few days, and each time I have managed to take my happiness level up a notch within seconds - sitting up straighter, thinking a better thought, doing something i want to do, remembering that life's all good...always!

I realised 3 things: 1. Happiness is a choice, we just choose unconsciously ... and badly! 2. I can change my level of happiness easily and quickly. 3. Being happier is much better than feeling sadder!

Experiment with this today and see your happiness levels rise!

Love

Donna.x
PS anybody know where I can get a nice ankle chain? I've broken my old ones and I NEED a new one, or two...the trouble is, I got lots of nice ones in Australia (that lasted years), and the ones I've found since are not robust or pretty enough for me. Any help welcomed!

A disturbing statistic

I got my new card from the Blood donor service today - I've given blood 10 times. Woo hoo.

With my new 'gold' card, I also got a letter with the disturbing statistic that only 6% of people who CAN give blood, do. Now, I know some of you will not want to and will have a horror of needles. Almost a month ago, I wrote another post about this - I did something amazing today please read it if you haven't already.

And please, please consider going to give blood. It takes 10 minutes once every 3 months, and you could save someones life. Go to the national blood service (uk) website to find out where and when you can give.

Please. Please - do something amazing today. And please, forward this to anyone you know who might be interested in doing something amazing. 6% is a horrifying statistic, let's change it.

Love

Donna.x

Staying light

There is a really easy way to make your life better...take notice of how you feel. If you feel good, do more of the good feeling stuff. If you feel bad, what can you do that would feel better?

Feelings are not just there to make your day interesting (said from the perspective of a hormonal female with period pain!), they are your guiding signals.

Are you listening?

Love

Donna.x

Sunshine and foolishness

Oh, how I love the sun! I was very excited this weekend when the sun shone for DAYS on end (if you're not in the uk - it rained for WEEKS on end so sunshine is exciting). In my excitement I completely forgot about sunscreen. Yes, I know...stoopid. Especially as I am the colour of milk. I inherited my mother's pale Irish skin, and can stay in the sun for about 5 minutes without burning.

However, yesterday, 30+ years of bitter experience disappeared out of my head and now I look like a letterbox wearing a white vest. (I was hugely amused that a couple of people said I looked radiant! Sunburn, dear.) Anyway, the purpose of this post is not (just) to ridicule myself (as much fun as that is). It is to note that sometimes we do stupid things. Sometimes we forget what's good for us, and sometimes we have to face the consequences (4 bottles of aftersun being schlooped into my skin...)

I could (easily) berate myself as an utter imbecile, put myself down and generally be mean to me. But I won't. Not only is it an unpleasant thing to do to myself, heckling me is never a good way to get me to do anything! I made a mistake. I am paying for it. (why can't you get sunburn in the winter when you could do with the extra heat generated?) I won't make it again this year. That's good enough for me.

What are you berating yourself for? Could you let go of the need to punish yourself just for today, learn the lesson, and let it be ok? Perhaps even see the funny side?

Love

A Radiant Donna.x

Donations

The observant among you may notice that to the side of this blog is a 'donation' section - this is where you can give me money if you enjoy my blog...and if you want to!

I got the idea from Jody Reale - it is rather random, and that is why I like it!

If I am having a positive impact on your life, and you would like to give me 50p for doing so (or more...or less!), please do so - paypal is easy to use and fully secure, and I would be most appreciative!

With much love

Donna.x

No rules

I found this quote today:

"Hell, there are no rules here - we're trying to accomplish something." Thomas A Edison

No rules. You can do it your own way. What is it you are trying to accomplish? And what can you do when you realise the truth that there are no rules?

Love

Donna.x

Better than 'Fine'

In Michaell Neill's 'Tip of the Day' today:
"In the remake of the movie 'The Italian Job', Donald Sutherlandasks Mark Wahlberg's character how he feels.
'I'm fine', says Wahlberg.
'You know what 'fine' means don't you?' replies Sutherland.'Fu**ed up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional.'"

This sums up why I don't like 'fine' as an answer to 'how are you?' It's just depressing. While I lived in Australia, I loved that Aussies answer 'how ya goin?' with 'good'. It may be just a word, but it's a far more cheery word than 'fine' or 'ok' or 'not bad'. What's wrong with 'Fabulous', 'Fantastic', 'Magnificent', 'Superb', 'Wonderful', 'Outstanding'? Ok, outstanding is a bit un-British, but trust me 'Fabulous' is a good answer to 'how are you?'

It's better than Fu**ed up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional anyway!

Love

Donna.x

Self care, self care, and more self care

I'm not well today so it'll be a short one, I just wanted to share with you what I do to take good care of myself.

I ask myself, do I feel cared for right now?
Answer: No, I'm full of cold and I'm tired and I need my bed.

Then I ask, what can I do to make myself feel cared for?
Answer: switch off the computer, go to bed.

And I don't just do this when I feel rubbish, like I do now. I do it every day. Think of yourself as a machine. If not treated right and serviced regularly, that machine will break.

So, do you feel cared for right now?

Love

Donna.x

Knowing What You Want

In my newsletters, I ask 'What do you Want?' and 'What stops you?' I had a question "What if I don't know what I want?" from Tiziana of http://sacred-ceremonies.co.uk. I wanted to share my response to this as it is a GREAT question, and I think is relevant to a lot of people. (and if you DO know what you want, skip to the enthusiasm question toward the end).

It is very true that what stops people from having what they want is that they don’t know what they want! This is actually a fabulous place to be, because you get to play with what you might want and have some fun finding out what it is you want in your life. Do you know what you want? No?

How do you find out? Here’s a few questions to stimulate your thinking:
¯ What do you definitely NOT want? What is the positive opposite of that?
¯ What makes you happy?
¯ If your life made you go ‘wow’, what would it look like?
¯ What sort of things might you want?
¯ If no one was looking, what would you want?
¯ If there were no obstacles to overcome, what would you want?
¯ If you could wave a magic wand, what would you wish for first? And second?
¯ What goals have you had in the past? What goals do you have now?
¯ What’s your ‘secret’ want?
¯ What would you want if you didn’t have to figure out how to get it?

Set aside some time to play with these questions…note down any ideas that come to you – don’t censor anything, and let the ideas range across your life from the sublime to the ridiculous! Once you have brain dumped everything, look again and see what your level of enthusiasm is for each one. Any less than a 7, park for now. Any at a 7, what would make it an 8? Any at 8-10, what’s the first step?! (if they’re all less than a 7, go back to the questions and this time, really allow yourself to DREAM BIG!)

I hope that helps you to get clear on what you want – I would love to hear what you come up with. And if anyone would like any one to one help with this, let me know.

Love

Donna.x

Virgins and Nakedness

The last 24 hours has seen me open-mouthed in horror at the 'help' given to the desperate virgins, and equally open mouthed in admiration at the magnificent Gok Wan in how to look good naked. Here's what disturbed me: not allowing someone to be themselves and for that to be ok. A virgin? So what! We can be so judgemental at times - me included. I started to watch the desperate virgins with a smirk...and ended it by either wanting to help and encourage them and build their confidence, OR really pleased for them that they had done the deed!

Contrast the unhelpful 'advice' given in desperate virgins (not all of it, some of the people were really helpful...and some of them were destroying confidence rather than building it) with the wonderfully confidence building 'advice' of Gok Wan. What's the difference? GW is looking for the beauty in someone, and showing them their beauty...and building their confidence. I just caught up with the last episode, and was in tears of joy at the end.

To see someone looking so confident, so compelling, so attractive, so sparkling and so beautiful in such a short time was so heart-warming. For the less body confident amongst us (and for the less body confident days we have!), I quote Gok Wan "Stop judging and start enjoying your body". Male, female, virgin or hugely experienced - pin that quote to your mirror!

And your mission for this week - to see the beauty in someone you know, and show them their beauty...especially if that someone is you.

You are beautiful.

Love

Donna.x

A Maturity of Emotion

As a single woman, I sometimes forget the extraordinary highs and lows that come with relationship. I had an interesting reminder this weekend - going from glowing to green in 3 days flat. I ran the gamut of emotion - joy, passion, love, fear, insecurity and lastly, jealousy. For the first time ever, I have been able to observe my emotions rather objectively and enjoy them for what they are.

What is that? Distractions, but not realities. What normally happens when you feel an emotion? Do you lose yourself entirely in it? Do you relive it? Do you intensify it? Does it define what kind of a day you have? Here's an example of what I used to do: feeling love...hold back a bit, not give myself over to it, keep myself 'real', question it; feeling insecure...revel in that feeling, intensify it, allow it to take over my day, relive the 'film' of the event that prompted the feeling.

An interesting way to do it don't you think? Minimise the good feelings and maximise the bad - that way I won't get hurt. Anyone else spotting the flaw in my logic? Yep, that's it - that way I don't really get to enjoy any of it! I am happy to report that things are changing - I am reveling in the good stuff and minimising the bad. Given this weekend's events I could EASILY have done the opposite. But why would I want to do that?

My challenge to you this week is 3-fold:

1. notice the emotions you are feeling
2. Notice if they feel good or bad
3. If they feel good, intensify...if they feel bad, minimise

Here's my top tip for minimising the bad ones: see the funny side. Here's to revelling in the highs of emotion.

Love

Donna.x

How to irritate an insomniac

I heard a question on the radio the other day:

How long does it take the average person to fall asleep? A. 1 minute B. 4 minutes or C. 7 minutes.

My initial reaction was 'WHAT?! It takes me 15-90 minutes!' My reaction when I discovered the answer is 7 minutes was to scowl at the radio. 7 minutes? 7?!! The B£$*$$ds! Now, most of the time, I have absolutely no desire to be normal or average. It's boring. However, on this occasion, I LONG to be average. Imagine that? 7 Minutes. A mere 7 minutes. For about a month recently, I was taking about 15 minutes, and I was loving that.

In terms of helping me sleep, this particular statistic is up there with mice in the mattress. Bah, humbug. And do you know what really annoyed me? Last night I was lying awake wondering how it would feel to fall asleep within 7 minutes...for about 30 minutes! I have decided that I am obviously exceptional - taking so bloody long to fall asleep, and that I should revel in my individuality instead of glaring at every person I meet who is a '7 minute or less' sleeper.

I'm sure that will be a comfort to all insomniacs...not! Happy sleeping this weekend.

Love

Donna.x

1000 moments of joy

I had a very random thought this morning, about creating a list/e-book/something of 1000 moments of joy. You know, like seeing the sun come out from behind the clouds; that inappropriate thought in the swimming pool (good job my blushes are under water!); the view of an empty, open road to drive on; the excitement of a dog when she sees the lead or a squeaky toy; snuggling back down for a lie in on a wet wednesday; the lights going down at a gig; a favourite song on the radio; meeting an old friend; belly laughs; being able to drive your car after 3 days with a flat tyre; that friday feeling; falling in love; falling in lust...and the list goes on.

Why would I want to create this list? Well, the very cool thing about memories of moments of joy is that as you remember them, you can feel them again. Another item on the list: the joy of remembered joy! Ultimately, I want to create this list for me...and other people might enjoy it. I suspect what they'd enjoy more is the joy of creating their own list.

So, here's your homework: 1000 moments of joy for you. I would love to hear what some of them are, so do comment.

Love

Donna.x

Following the inner stirrings

I'm a big believer in following your intuition. My intuition has never let me down. Unlike logic, which lets me down on a regular basis. I know there are people out there who believe in logic, but it's not a way of working I trust. Logically, Australians should walk upside down. See? Logic is a bizarre way of deciding things.

Anyway, back to intuition. I just had a 'stirring' to pop along to Ecademy. I have been a member of this online networking place for ages, but hardly ever visit...and usually visit when prompted by logic and spend 20 fruitless and boring minutes there. This time, I instantly spotted a post from someone with a question I had an answer to. AND this person was giving away a free report.

At this moment, I have no idea if this connection will bring fruit or not. No idea whether the freebie is any good to me. BUT I was on Ecademy for about 3 minutes, and came away feeling like I'd done something good. If nothing else, some energy was moved...and I enjoyed another 3 minutes of my day. I suspect there will be a lot more to be said about this 'random' action though...

What is your intuition prompting you to do right now?

Love

Donna.x

Flowing with your energy

I had a bit of a circus this weekend...

Friday night, flat tyre. Saturday morning 9am, learn that wheel brace is corroded inside and can’t get any of the nuts off. Have to phone friend’s husband to come to the rescue. Saturday morning 10am, discover that locking wheel nut won’t come off, much sweating, swearing and muttering ensues. Saturday morning 11am, pump tyre up with foot pump and drive to garage…learn that Porsche garage doesn’t have the right equipment to do the job. 11.03 drive back to house and watch tyre go flat again. 11.15, friend’s husband gives up and my dad calls a garage guy we know who had stopped to ask if we were ok. He promises to pop round with the right bit of kit. 1pm, I tell my friend in Wiltshire that it is looking unlikely that I will be coming to visit tonight as after we get the wheel off, I still have to get a new tyre…and its Saturday afternoon.

3.30, 4 hours later, chap calls round with ‘bit of kit’…all nut cutters are too big and can’t get purchase on the nut. He promises to call again in 10 minutes if he has the right one at home, or will come back on Monday. 6.15 calls back to say it’ll be Monday. Sunday 2pm: Friends husband returns in the pouring rain – this nut has been annoying him for past 26 hours. 2.45pm: Man from Atlantis goes home again. (Bless him, it was pissing it down!) 5pm dad says he saw bloke from the local garage who reckons he can sort it in 3 minutes flat. Monday 10am: I am back outside with foot pump trying to get enough air in the tyre to get it to the chap at the garage. 10-15 am: nice man stops to help. 10.30am Bloke at the garage isn’t sure he can do it as it’s so badly damaged. 10.40am he announces victory! 64 hours after spotting flat, I finally have a new tyre...who would have thought just changing a flat could be such a circus?!

Now, really, in the scheme of things this wasn't that big a deal - but the stress of it hanging over my weekend did affect my energy, and the disappointment of not being able to visit my friend that I haven't seen for a year! And I have realised that my chronic fatigue is partially set off by stress. Hence, today, I am SHATTERED! Now, I could say I'll pull myself up by my bootstraps and not be such a girlie wuss, but that wouldn't help matters. That's how I feel, so I have allowed myself to flow with that energy today.

It has meant there is stuff not done...it has also meant that hopefully this tiredness will not tip over into tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day. Keeping your body/mind/energy/soul in tip top condition means looking out for the signs your body/mind/energy/soul are giving you every day in every moment.

What signs are you ignoring today?

Love

Donna.x

Dream, dream, dream

I came across this quote the other day "I think the problem with women is they stop dreaming" Penelope Cruz.

When you stop dreaming, you lose a little something of yourself - that lust for life, the optimism of possibility, the food for your soul.

Never, ever stop dreaming.

Love

Donna.x

Relaunching my newsletter for Small Business

Next week I am relaunching my monthly newsletter for small business - Beach Biz. This is for anyone who is in a small business and needs to remember that being in business is FUN and EASY and RELAXED. The sort of business you could run from the poolside...at least that's the business we imagine when we start out, right? If it's not quite that easy for you, sign up for 'Beach Biz' here.

Every month around the 15th of the month, you will get a newsletter about some aspect of small business, and if you have a question about being in business, or something you would really like me to cover, let me know. I look forward to entertaining you with it in the coming months. The first new issue is out next Tuesday so sign up now.

Love

Donna.x

I did Something Amazing today

What can you do in an hour that will save someone's life? That you can do lying down, chatting and get a chocolate biscuit for doing it? That's right, donating blood. Was it the choccie biccy that gave it away? I went today and gave my 10th donation...I got a little badge and a certificate. Just for 10 pints of blood and a few hours of my time. I am disproportionately proud of this little badge.

Whenever I talk about giving blood, people always talk about the needles ('oh I hate needles'), but that's an irrelevance to anyone who actually gives blood. I don't like needles either, I get really nervous when the needle is about to go in...but it doesn't hurt. Giving blood FEELS GOOD. They have a sticker that says 'I did something good today - I gave blood'. It is a good thing to do.

Giving blood could help someone live...a leukemia patient, a car accident victim, someone having an operation, someone giving birth. From kids to grandparents, lots of people can benefit. Neither of my parents can now give blood because of their health. Both of them wish they still could. Honestly, the needles don't matter! I feel good today, because I did something good. I got a badge and a certificate AND a chocolate biscuit for saving a life.

And then I got home and found this in my e-mail inbox:
“If you want to be happy for an hour - take a nap.
If you want to be happy for a day — go fishing.
If you want to be happy for a month — get married.
If you want to be happy for a year — inherit a fortune.
If you want to be happy for a lifetime — help others. ”
— Old Chinese Proverb

Do something good today - visit the national blood service website, and go give blood. It's one way to a happy life.

Love

Donna.x

Instant karma's gonna getcha!

Yesterday, I was driving along from Solihull to Hampton, cursing an idiot in a people carrier ahead of me who was mooching along that lovely fast road at 40mph – you can do 70 EASILY on that bit of road. As he turned off the road, I chuntered ‘I hope you get stuck behind a tractor’…

…2 miles later I got stuck behind a tractor.

Now that’s instant karma!

Watch what karma you are attracting today.

Dx

The Greatest Compliment

I was watching the interviews with the actors on Harry Potter 4 the other day, and Daniel Radcliffe said something enormously profound.

The Greatest Compliment that anyone can give is that someone is "completely individual".

How did an 18 year old get to be so wise?!

Here's to complete individuality!

Love

Donna.x

Being the Best

"Being the Best" What does that phrase evoke for you? Winning? Working Hard? Success? Having millions in the bank? Who are you when you are this version of being the best? Stressed? Overworked? Busyholic? Time pressured, short tempered, goal focused, unaware of your family and friends, overwrought, under pressure?

Look again at the phrase "Being the Best", this time placing emphasis on the first word. Being.

Not doing your best, having the best or seeing the best. Being. Who are you when you are being your best? When you are at your most switched on, your most compelling, your most interesting, beautiful and attractive self? When you utterly love who you are being? When you are 'on fire'? Personally, I am joyful, passionate, playful, fun, laughing, light and loving.

What if the world's emphasis was on being your best self, not the stressy version of "being the best"?

What if YOUR emphasis was on being your best self, not 'doing your best' or 'having the best'?

Try it. Let me know what changes for you.

Love

Donna.x

Inspiration to Fall more Deeply in Love with Life

Last night I was reading 'You Can Have What You Want' by Micheal Neill, and came across this quote "the only real purpose of a goal is to inspire you to fall more deeply in love with life". Remember this the next time you are reviewing what you want from your life - if your goals don't excite you, interest you, awaken a passion and a joy...why would you wanna do that?

Many clients come to me because they've spent the first 30-odd years of their life doing what they think they 'should' do, and it's made them miserable (or trying desperately to avoid doing what they think they 'should' do because it's soul-destroying, and that's made them miserable too). Instead of encouraging one another to have the kind of life we want, we encourage each other to have exactly the same life as everyone else.

Works well if you want it! It didn't work for me - all that 9-5, boring job, feeling like a wage slave thing made me physically ill. What changed? I decided to start doing things I enjoyed...and once I was doing enough of them, I had a life I enjoyed! You may think it's easy to fall in love with life when you are doing what you want to do...but falling in love with life STARTS with taking that decision to enjoy it more and more and more and more.

Do your goals inspire you to fall more in love with your life?

Love

Donna.x

Swimming in a Lust for Life

I went for a swim today. I thought it had been a while...when I got there I realised that it had been so long that they were half way through building a new centre that I knew nothing about. Oopsie. And then when I got in there I wondered WHY I hadn't been for so long? I love swimming. I love being in the water, splashing about, floating, playing, concentrating on smoothing out my strokes, breathing consciously and deeply.

Just thinking about it again now, my joy scale is going through the roof! You see, swimming is one of my 'flow' things - activities that I can be in and just lose myself in the experience. Like dancing, being at a gig of a band I love, kissing, walking, reading, laughing...the list goes on. Swimming re-awakens my lust for life - not only did I get a physical workout, I got reconnected to how wonderful it is to be alive.

What did you do today that reconnected you to the joy of being alive?

Love

Donna.x

Delegation

As a self-employed, female, human in the 21st century, I find it very hard not to try to do everything myself...pants on outside the trousers and dan-da-da-daaaaaaaaa! SuperDonna! (reminds me of the scene in the Full Monty where Hugo Speer's character is demonstrating walking up a wall...and falls flat on his behind!) Yes, the inevitable crash occurs shortly afterwards! I know this thing...and yet, I still have a niggling suspicion that delegating is cheating.

Am I the only one? I suspect not. I am getting TONS better at delegating - I have handed the creation of the HTML code for my newsletter over to someone far better equipped than I (yes, I know, about time eh R?!), and am always on the lookout for what I can get someone else to do. Being a small business, there aren't that many people I can delegate to...which leads me onto another way of putting it.

Delegation is ASKING FOR HELP. And we don't need a fleet of willing employees just waiting to do our bidding to do that. I'd like to ask your help - do you know anyone who is frustrated with their life, who feels like they don't fit in (like a pink pebble on a beach full of grey pebbles!), who believes there is more to life than this...and who would like to be coached by DonnaOnTheBeach? If so, please them know about me, let me know about them, and in advance, I thank you.

Who will you ask for help (or delegate to) today?

Love

Donna.x