OnTheBeach - Why Wait to Be Happy?

- A note from Donna -

I got some bad news this week. A friend of the family died. I seem to have said that an awful lot in the last year. Death and his scythe seem to be very busy round here right now. This man turned 40 just a few short weeks ago and leaves 2 small children and his wife. Ugh. How many reminders can we take that life is short?? As you can imagine it's left me feeling a bit flat this week, but when we went to see his wife and kids, me and the kids ended up outside on the trampoline at 9 at night - even at sad times, there's fun to be had.

Lastly there will be a new recommended read next week, so if you're interested in being a journalutionary, now's the time!


- Why Wait to be Happy? -

What is in the way of you being happy right now? What are you waiting for? The right partner? The right house? Maybe the moon in Pisces? Everyone else to do what you think they should do? Is it the case that you can only be happy if everything is in alignment? Can you only enjoy life if all your ducks are in a row? Have you imposed conditions on your ability to have a great life?

If you are waiting for some conditions to be met before you can enjoy life, you are wasting perfectly good happy time. I'm going to keep this short this week because the dog is standing by me wagging her tail - we're going to go jump in some puddles. My message is simple: Don't wait to start enjoying your life. Don't wait for the job or the bloke or the house or the bank account of your dreams. Start now. Right now. Enjoy it before it's too damn late.

"Happiness cannot come from without. It must come from within. It is not what we see and touch or that which others do for us which makes us happy; it is that which we think and feel and do, first for the other fellow and then for ourselves." Helen Keller


- Something To Play With -

Complete the following sentence "I will be happy when…" as many times as you can. Now throw that piece of paper away, get a new piece of paper and write in big red letters "I can and will be happy RIGHT NOW!" Then go do something that makes you happy. If you develop the ability to be happy even when life isn't perfect, you will have a great life! Want to share how this article affects you? E-mail me I love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails. Or why not join Donna's monthly group coaching to explore this concept some more?


- Reccommended Read -

Journalution by Sandy Grason Have you ever kept a diary? Have you ever kept (or wanted to keep) a diary not just of your day to day life, but to connect with your inner wisdom? If not, and you are interested in accessing your inner wisdom (if you're not, why not?!) by keeping a diary, check out Journalution by Sandy Grason. It's a book about keeping a diary, or journalling - not only ideas on how and when (whatever works for you), also journalling prompts to get you moving. It's a lovely book - Sandy's style is friendly, warm and realistic - she knows life's going to get in the way! I've been working with the journalling prompts for a couple of months, and I am loving the results already - my diary isn't a moan about life anymore, it's a place to dream, to find answers, and to have fun!

Journalution by Sandy Grason

Passing on your Life's Wisdom

What is the most important thing you have learnt about life so far?

If you could teach a child just one lesson you wish you had learnt earlier, what would you teach?

Mine would be "it's ok to be who you really are. It is safe to be yourself."

Whatever the lesson is that you would teach, have you learnt it? Really learnt it, internalised it and live that truth? I noticed the other day that once again I was trying to be something other than myself...and it hurt! It is said that you teach what you most need to learn, so take this lesson that you would teach and do whatever you need to do to truly live this - the best way to teach is by example!

Love

Donna.x
PS no negative lessons please - no 'life's a bitch' lessons! You can do better than that!

Follow Your Heart

If you could be doing anything in the world right now, what would you love to do?

What makes your heart sing?

What do the stirrings of your heart whisper for you to do with your life?

Could you start to follow your heart right now?

You don't have to do something huge and scary to follow your heart, you can just do something small, every day that follows the stirrings of your heart.

Before you know it, you have a happy life, a joyful life, the life your heart desired.

Start today.

Right now.

Love

Donna.x

Strong Misery Muscles

How much time do you spend making life better? How much time do you spend appreciating how good you have it? How much time do you spend laughing, getting excited, being happy? Is it enough? Conversely, how much time do you spend making life worse? How much time do you spend bemoaning how bad you have it? How much time do you spend crying, getting stressed, being miserable? Is that enough?

Have you had enough of being dissatisfied with your lot? Do you want to see your life get better? Would you believe it's your choice? Will I ever stop asking questions? Yes? I'm guessing that if you spend a lot of time on how terrible life is, you won't have much time left for laughter, play, fun, joy, love, freedom, excitement, appreciation, gratitude, and wonder.

And that is your choice. I was chatting to a friend yesterday, and saying that I have stopped (largely) getting stressed out about money and such. How? By withdrawing my attention from worrying and stressing. It's a choice. I made this choice because over the last 35 years, worrying has NEVER helped me to get more money or deal with a situation. Complaining has NEVER made a situation better. Fear NEVER helps me to find a creative solution.

I haven't yet had to live on the street, so I'm doing ok! It's all good. So, I'm putting my time and effort into being grateful, having fun, enjoying life. As is so often the case, this is a simple concept that isn't always easy to put into practice. So to start with, it's enough just to notice that you are choosing to spend more time in worry than in laughter (by the way, laughter costs nothing, whereas worry costs your health).

Pretty soon, you will make a new choice. And this gets easier and easier with practice. Our worry, stress, misery muscles are well developed and fed with the steroid of misery news, so it's really easy to use them. But maybe your laughter, joy and fun muscles are flabby from lack of use?! The answer is simple: choose to tone them up. Make the effort to have some fun this week - trust me, life looks a lot better when you're bouncing on a trampoline or standing on your hands. :p


- Something To Play With -

What ratio of time do you spend on misery:joy? Eg 90% misery, 10% joy. Are you ok with that ratio? Notice this week how many times you choose the dark side over the light. Want to share how this article affects you? E-mail meI love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails. Or why not join Donna's monthly group coaching to explore this concept some more?


- The Personal Bit -

When you read this, I will be covered from head to foot in chocolate and probably feeling very sick! I foolishly gave up chocolate for Lent - I was going to give up coffee, but as I don't drink it, decided that was cheating! It hasn't bothered me up until the last two weeks, and I am now drooling like Homer Simpson at the very thought. But Easter Sunday cometh…Hoorah! I have my Easter Eggs at the ready, steady…CHOCOLATE! Happy Easter!

When Life Seems Jolly Rotten...

...there's something you've forgotten. And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing. (good old Monty Python)

When any situation in your life seems 'bad', what are you looking at? The cost, in time, money, energy? All the reasons that this is 'bad'? What if you were to actively seek the blessings in any situation? Think of a situation you are seeing as 'bad'. Now think of 10 blessings in this situation.

One of the most inspiring stories I ever heard was of a woman who lost her job, her husband, and discovered she had cancer, all in the space of a week! Her reaction? "I will have plenty of time to focus on getting well, and there will be no dirty socks to pick up!"

There is a bright side if you will only look for it.

Love

Donna.x

The Power of Write

Have you recently utilised the therapeutic power of writing? Have you connected with your inner guidance by recording your thoughts? Have you given your creative self free rein by writing your ideas and passions?

If not, and you like to write, you may be denying yourself a wonderful pleasure! (If you hate writing, please ignore this blog post - I don't want you to do something you don't like to do!) I love to write - I write blogs, books, newsletters, courses, diaries, gratitude journals, letters...and the more I write, the more I realise that writing has a power.

The written word has the power to change your world, to transport you to a new world, and even to change the world of the reader. Wow.

So are you using the power of write?

Love

Donna.x

Everyone Is

- Everyone Is -

Do you ever feel slightly isolated, a bit weird, like you are the only person in the world who thinks the way you do? Me too! Do you ever feel like you are the only person in the world who struggles, has doubts, wonders if they are ‘getting it right’? Me too! Do you ever think that you are the only one who has a little self-doubting voice in your head? Wow, me too! In fact, I’d be willing to bet that the majority of people reading this have felt that way at one time or another. Everyone has doubts. Everyone has moments where they think they are the only people in the world who think or feel the way they do. And the great tragedy is that they are rarely right!

There is someone else out there who has felt, or thought exactly the same doubting, uncertainty, weirdness! A few years ago I was convinced that I was weird – and I didn’t consider it a good thing. This caused me many a moment of navel-gazing, upset and even depression. And then I met some people who were brave enough to say ‘hey! Me too!’. What an ‘aha’ moment for me - I realised that even the most confident people feel uncertain at times, even the most driven of people have moments of doubt, and even the most successful people feel like a failure. They just hid it well. For years, I genuinely could not accept myself because I thought I was mad – that no one else had the thoughts I had.

Realising that I was not alone was a turning point for me. If the people I respected and aspired to emulate had ‘weird’ thoughts, then so could I. If people I considered successful had moments of doubt, then so could I. And what’s more, if these people thought and felt this way and were still happy and successful, so could I be. Not only do we as a society hold up stick people as beautiful, we also hold up automatons as ‘normal’, and then we individually wonder why we have such ‘odd’ feelings and thoughts. It makes me want to scream. Here’s the thing – if you sometimes feel you’re a bit unusual, that’s normal! Normality is feeling and thinking and sometimes doubting.

I have come to terms with the fact that I am slightly odd, and I now consider it a very good thing that I think and feel the way I do – because that is just perfect for me. Who the hell wants to be an automaton?!


- Something To Play With -

If you knew that you are not a total oddball, that you are not "wierd", that you are not alone in having the thoughts and feelings that you have, what would change for you? Want to share how this article affects you? E-mail meI love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails. Or why not join Donna's monthly group coaching to explore this concept some more?


- The Personal Bit -

This week I am repeating an article from way back in 2005; I hope you enjoy it. The reason I have been so lax and not created something new? Because this week ran away from me! Ever had that? When you think you have plenty of time to do everything, then before you know it its quarter to ten on Saturday night and you're wondering what happened to the week? Other than the fact that I seem to have lost a couple of days somewhere, it's been a good week. I learned how to play a nintendo wii, realised how rusty my pool skills are, and had an angel reading! Happy St Patrick's Day to one and all. xx

Growing up vs Growing Old

What does life want from me?

Most of us ask what we want from life...with varying success! Sometimes this perspective brings great joy, and sometimes it brings great disatisfaction. What if 'what do I want from life' was the wrong question?

What if the question was 'what does life want from me'?

What might change?

I was pondering this, and I realised that life wants me to live joyfully, not sit at my desk 'forcing myself' to work. Just realising this freed me up to enjoy my procrastination!

Love

Donna.x
PS This question came from Eckhart Tolle

A Toxic Life?

What toxicity surrounds your life? What in your life makes you feel bad? What toxic foods are you eating? Toxic drinks? What toxic environments are you in? Believe it or not, this steady diet of toxicity drains your energy and makes you feel ill. Now you don't have to go and live on top of a tibetan moutain to get away from the toxicity, but you do need to make sure that you are clearing your environment and body as much as you can.

Let go of those things that are toxic to you - they could include sweets (you have no idea how much it hurts me to say that!), alcohol, a negative work environment, newspapers, clutter, even some family and friends can be toxic! You may not be able to get rid of them altogether (particularly family!) but you can protect yourself and keep as clear as you can.

So, what are you going to dump in the toxic waste today?

Love

Donna.x

OnTheBeach - The Dutiful One

I was talking to a friend last week about going to the inquest into my uncle's death - which I don't want to do. So why are you going then, she asked? Excellent question…and the answer is that I don't know. Actually, I am now not going to go, because as Claire most excellently reminded me, I don't want to! Why was I going to go? Simply put: Duty. I felt it was my duty to my family to go.

It was quite amusing to me to realise what I was doing, because I will rarely do anything I don't want to do…unless I feel it is my duty to do so! I am obviously a very well brought up girl. What are you doing that you don't want to do out of duty? Attending the Christmas work party every year even though you never want to go and have better things to do? Going to the 80th birthday party of Great Aunt Maude, who you haven't seen since you were 5? Doing the usual 'Friday nighter' even though you are shattered and skint?

What about your duty to yourself? To your health and happiness? Robert Louis Stevenson said "There is no duty we so underrate as the duty of being happy. By being happy we sow anonymous benefits upon the world." To do the particular duty of going to this inquest, I would be actively making myself unhappy. In order to 'do right' by my family! It's insane, and incidentally, they are not bothered that I don't want to go. Maybe your duties aren't quite so horrible, but check with yourself why you are doing them.

Is it because you feel you must or you will be rejected in some way? Or is it because you genuinely want to do it? If you're anything like me, part of the reason you don't want to do it is because you feel you have to! Pure contrariness. Or we make up that 'so and so would be unhappy' if we didn't do something. For my part, I would rather my friends and family said no to me, rather than do something for me just because they think they have to!

I'm a big girl, I can take a 'no' - after all, I say it often enough. It may be too much to simply say 'no' to a duty you've already agreed to, but once you realise that you do not want to do something, you can change things around so that you can also do your duty to yourself. I'm still traveling to London with my Mom for the inquest, but while they are at the hearing, I will be either spending time with my cousin, or being a tourist in London. I'm sure my uncle won't mind I'm not making a misery of myself on his account.


- Something To Play With -

What duties do you have to your work, your family, your friends? What do you do 'out of duty' (maybe even automatically)? Do you really want to do this? If your only duty was to your own health and happiness, what would change for you? Want to share how this article affects you? E-mail meI love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails. Or why not join Donna's monthly group coaching to explore this concept some more?


- The Personal Bit -

I've had a very productive week this week - for the last year I've been playing with ideas of books and courses I could create to help those who do not want one to one coaching. And I am finally making some progress! It's amazing how much you can get done when you set a timer and leave your e-mail/internet alone for a few hours. My free ebook will be finished by the end of this month…and you guys will be the first to get a copy - it's the biggest secret in happiness…and after that teaser, you will just have to wait…

Change Thyself

When you are desperate for someone else to change, and they won't (the selfish buggers!), try changing yourself instead. If you think it's so easy to make that change, you do it - lead by example instead of 'telling'.

Ultimately, it's the only thing you can do, and it's a lot more successful at changing the behaviour of others than moaning!

Love

Donna.x

Enough about me, what did you think of me?

I had a beautiful message yesterday, from someone I sent my (soon to be ready for public consumption!) free ebook to. She basically said she thought I was amazing, filled me with confidence and joy that something I wrote had such an impact. And her encouragement had a wonderful impact on me. I am keeping that message, and I am going to watch it often.

Putting myself down and telling myself I am rubbish comes easily, but building myself up in the way this message did is a little harder - especially if I'm having a bad day! I wonder if you realise the impact of a compliment on someone else? Here, let's try this one - I can see that you are an intelligent person with impeccable taste, because you are reading my blog!

Feel good? Seriously, compliments can change the course of a person's life. Next time you feel that someone is wonderful, say it. I promise that the good stuff will come back to you tenfold!

Love

Donna.x

OnTheBeach: Hell is Other People

An online community I am part of had a discussion subject this week about negative people – here’s my reply…

This subject made me smile - I used to avoid negative people because they brought me down. Now, I welcome them...because their negativity doesn't mean anything to me. If someone is standing next to you wearing green, do you have to wear green? No! I know that is so easy to say once you've learnt to deal with them...and yes, sometimes a negative person will press on a bruise and 'get me'...but that's great too because they show me where I am not living in positivity!

Here's how I've 'dealt with' them:
1. Avoid them (out of sight, out of mind!!! It's a plaster rather than a fix)
2. Notice how they affect you and work out why - where do they show you where you are being negative? (The Work by Byron Katie is brilliant with this)
3. Remember that the world is a mirror FOR you - what are they bringing you that's positive? Eg a chance to reinforce your positivity, a lesson on how not to do it, a reminder to protect yourself from negative energy
4. Remember the law of attraction - are you focusing on their negative aspects? Focus on the kind of person you want in your life, focus on the positive things about the 'negative' people in your life.
5. Learn to love, not fear a negative person. if it's true that fear creates negativity, they're just scared. Awwwww. Bless them. And yourself when you are scared and negative.
6. Enjoy watching them, because they show you how far you've come!!!
7. Never, ever try to convince them that positivity is good by words, do it by living that way. When I was negative and cynical, it drove me mad that people told me to be positive! But people who just did it, and didn't join my pity party...wow, I still thank them for showing me the way!
8. Be compassionate with them and yourself. The more you learn, the less these people show up. Honest!

It’s interesting, when we start to be more positive ourselves, other people become less negative around us – once we get past the idea that the whole world has to be positive with us! Sometimes I still believe the Jean-Paul Sartre quote that ‘hell is other people’ , but most of the time I know that when other people are winding me up, it’s all about me, not them.

Something to play with
When negative people get you down this week, try some of the ideas above. Experiment and have fun with the idea that you can be surrounded by negative people, and still be a shiny, positive light! (If nothing else, it will irritate them immensely!) Want to share what’s going on for you? E-mail me.

The Personal Bit
Wow! What a week. I have been right at the very edge of my learning curve this week. It’s been months since I last felt this saturated with information. It’s all good stuff, but I really feel in need of a rest! Feels like that earthquake here in the UK did more than just wake me up petrified in the middle of the night. It’s shaken all sorts of things loose.