"Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to start where he was." Lao-Tzu
Love
Donna.x
Friday, November 30, 2007
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Pursuing Outrageous Joy
In one of the books I've been reading this week, I found the phrase "outrageous joy". It has totally caught my imagination, and I've decided my new 'job' is to find and bring outrageous joy. What does this mean in practice? I have thrown away the 'to do' lists, I am not doing any 'should's, I am spending more time with friends and family, and enjoying each moment as much as I can.
It feels rather good to be honest. No stress, lots of fun - what I imagine 'God' had in mind when life was created.
If your mission in life was to find and bring outrageous joy, what might change in your life?
Love
Donna.x
It feels rather good to be honest. No stress, lots of fun - what I imagine 'God' had in mind when life was created.
If your mission in life was to find and bring outrageous joy, what might change in your life?
Love
Donna.x
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Enjoy the present moment
How much of your life do you spend in the past? Moaning about it, rehashing it, being nostalgic? How much do you spend in the future? Daydreaming, wishing things were different, getting excited about next week? There is a place in life for learning from and continuing to enjoy the past AND for daydreaming and looking forward to the future, but when you are living in the past or future, you are missing the present.
You can't get this moment back...or this one...or this one. Where do you spend most of your time? Do you make up a story about what might happen in the future, and make judgements about your life based on a maybe! Hmmmmm… What would happen if you just stayed in the present moment? The future will happen no matter how much you worry about it…or how much you DON’T worry about it! And if you don’t worry about it, the present will be more fun!
Or do you live in the past? Worrying about things that have happened, regretting and/or wishing it could be like it was? Hmmmm... What would happen if you stayed in the present moment? The past has happened no matter how much you worry about it (or not!)...and if you don't, the present will be more fun!
If you really stayed present in this moment, not worrying about yesterday, or tomorrow, what could you enjoy far more? I could enjoy the feeling of typing this article, of listening to my music, and of having the dog grumbling at me from under my desk (how dare I move my legs at my own desk?!). You know what? There's a lot to appreciate in this moment - I'm glad I'm not distracted by yesterday and tomorrow!
Love
Donna.x
You can't get this moment back...or this one...or this one. Where do you spend most of your time? Do you make up a story about what might happen in the future, and make judgements about your life based on a maybe! Hmmmmm… What would happen if you just stayed in the present moment? The future will happen no matter how much you worry about it…or how much you DON’T worry about it! And if you don’t worry about it, the present will be more fun!
Or do you live in the past? Worrying about things that have happened, regretting and/or wishing it could be like it was? Hmmmm... What would happen if you stayed in the present moment? The past has happened no matter how much you worry about it (or not!)...and if you don't, the present will be more fun!
If you really stayed present in this moment, not worrying about yesterday, or tomorrow, what could you enjoy far more? I could enjoy the feeling of typing this article, of listening to my music, and of having the dog grumbling at me from under my desk (how dare I move my legs at my own desk?!). You know what? There's a lot to appreciate in this moment - I'm glad I'm not distracted by yesterday and tomorrow!
Love
Donna.x
Monday, November 26, 2007
Responsibility and Ridiculousness
On the way back from the pool today, I got into a little altercation with a man in a car. It was one of those silly things - he pulled out in front of me, I raised my arms as if to say 'what? you couldn't see me?', he started gesticulating wildly and getting cross, I raised the finger, he continued to gesticulate wildly and decided to brake sharply while I leaned on the horn and explained in words of one syllable what a pratt he was!
Ridiculous. Now, his response was inappropriate, over-the-top and absurd (in my opinion!), but I have to take some responsibility for my reaction too...which was also pointless. At first I was just a bit irritated, then I thought 'OY!', then I was really cross. What for? He cut me up...it happens. My reaction was instantaneous and utterly useless - it wasn't going to make any difference at all.
And it did make the situation worse. I could say 'he started it'. I could also say 'he was the one who ...', but ultimately I played a part in it. I could have stepped out of that at any point, and let him take his bad day out on someone else! Ultimately, it is not a big deal - and we both made it much worse than it needed to be. But as I can't control what goes on in his car (much as I'd like to be a self-appointed 'driving police'), I can only control what's happening in mine.
Eventually, I did. I concentrated on my own driving, my own journey, and let him continue his. With my blessings...and a little bit of guilt. Hope his blood pressure is ok now!
What situations (that don't matter) are you adding to, and making worse? Could you do the sensible thing, and just 'step out' of the argument?
Love
Donna.x
Ridiculous. Now, his response was inappropriate, over-the-top and absurd (in my opinion!), but I have to take some responsibility for my reaction too...which was also pointless. At first I was just a bit irritated, then I thought 'OY!', then I was really cross. What for? He cut me up...it happens. My reaction was instantaneous and utterly useless - it wasn't going to make any difference at all.
And it did make the situation worse. I could say 'he started it'. I could also say 'he was the one who ...', but ultimately I played a part in it. I could have stepped out of that at any point, and let him take his bad day out on someone else! Ultimately, it is not a big deal - and we both made it much worse than it needed to be. But as I can't control what goes on in his car (much as I'd like to be a self-appointed 'driving police'), I can only control what's happening in mine.
Eventually, I did. I concentrated on my own driving, my own journey, and let him continue his. With my blessings...and a little bit of guilt. Hope his blood pressure is ok now!
What situations (that don't matter) are you adding to, and making worse? Could you do the sensible thing, and just 'step out' of the argument?
Love
Donna.x
Thursday, November 22, 2007
The Frustrating Thing
Frustration. I know him well. He is a constant companion of impatience and irritation. All of which are regular visitors, none of whom have been particularly helpful up til now. You see, the way I have dealt with them is to firstly try to ignore them, while their presence gets stronger and stronger until eventually they take over what I am doing, and I work from that angry energy for a while...until I realise it's not helpful and let it go.
If you're feeling frustrated, angry, impatient, irritated, notice that is how you feel. Let yourself feel it for a few minutes...and then LET IT GO. Your frustration may come back for a visit, but you only need have a quick chat on the doorstep before you let it move on again. And again. And again.
Frustration is like a little warning flame - it's only when you try to hold on to it that it burns you.
Love
Donna.x
If you're feeling frustrated, angry, impatient, irritated, notice that is how you feel. Let yourself feel it for a few minutes...and then LET IT GO. Your frustration may come back for a visit, but you only need have a quick chat on the doorstep before you let it move on again. And again. And again.
Frustration is like a little warning flame - it's only when you try to hold on to it that it burns you.
Love
Donna.x
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Are you Being Brilliant?
Inside all of us is the knowledge of who we could be...not the 'stick thin woman trying to get out from under a layer of jaffa cakes', but the core of our being - that bit that knows 'there is more to me than this'. Inside you there is a wonderful, beautiful, loving, brilliant woman (or man). And you know it.
Are you being that Shiny Gorgeous Brilliance? Or is that brilliance hidden behind layers of self-doubt, stress, frustration, anger, and lack of confidence? Chinks of it still shine through - I can see it from here. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to start deliberately allowing that brilliance to shine through.
They'll be able to see you from another galaxy if you do. They'll look up at the stars, and there you will be, shining across a million light years.
Love
Donna.x
Are you being that Shiny Gorgeous Brilliance? Or is that brilliance hidden behind layers of self-doubt, stress, frustration, anger, and lack of confidence? Chinks of it still shine through - I can see it from here. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to start deliberately allowing that brilliance to shine through.
They'll be able to see you from another galaxy if you do. They'll look up at the stars, and there you will be, shining across a million light years.
Love
Donna.x
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
The Answer is Right There
It never fails to entertain me how often I am struggling with an issue, then come across other people, clients, friends, random blogs and newsletters that show the same issue... and more importantly show me my answers. Think for a minute of something that you are struggling with, a question you have about your life, something you would like answered. Now take a look around you - are there any friends, clients, family members or random people who have the same issue?
Be prepared to open out on this one - it may not be EXACTLY the same, and they won't be dealing with it in the same way (they are not you, so they can't deal with it your way!). What is the answer for them, as you see it? Can this answer apply to you and your situation?
When you can't see the wood for the trees, look out to the other people in your life to show you the path to take.
Love
Donna,x
Be prepared to open out on this one - it may not be EXACTLY the same, and they won't be dealing with it in the same way (they are not you, so they can't deal with it your way!). What is the answer for them, as you see it? Can this answer apply to you and your situation?
When you can't see the wood for the trees, look out to the other people in your life to show you the path to take.
Love
Donna,x
Monday, November 19, 2007
Hold one another up
I was at a gig last week in Sheffield, and the lead singer of the band was telling the audience to look after each other, to hold one another up. This was largely because people were being squashed in the mosh pit, and 14 year old girls were passing out over the proximity of Mr Gerard Way (My Chemical Romance).
But it struck me as very good advice in general. There are times (like at my uncle's funeral last month) when you need to physically hold people up or they will fall. And there are more times when holding them up is an emotional, mental and spiritual action.
Who is the wind beneath your wings, and whose wings are you helping to fly?
Love
Donna.x
But it struck me as very good advice in general. There are times (like at my uncle's funeral last month) when you need to physically hold people up or they will fall. And there are more times when holding them up is an emotional, mental and spiritual action.
Who is the wind beneath your wings, and whose wings are you helping to fly?
Love
Donna.x
Friday, November 16, 2007
Crack Pots
I am sure you've seen this story before, it does the rounds of e-mail every few months or so...but I love it!
"An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course , the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house." The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?"
"That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them." "For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."
Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them. SO, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path! "
Have a great weekend!
Love
Donna.x
"An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course , the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house." The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?"
"That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them." "For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."
Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them. SO, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path! "
Have a great weekend!
Love
Donna.x
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Reaching Out
I have a confession to make. I am not coping that well. I am pretending that 'it' hasn't happened, because the thought of my uncle's death makes me want to scream and never stop screaming.
That was quite hard to type. It was even harder to say to my friends. I made a promise...after telling friends about my 'mini-nervous breakdown' 7 months after it happened, I promised I would tell them when life was rubbish, not after I was ok again. I was talking to another friend of mine today who does the same thing. 'I'll talk to my friends about it AFTER I've dealt with it'. Sound familiar at all?
The thing is, we might be right, other people might not be able to help. But equally we MIGHT be wrong, and the support and love and encouragement and whatever that our friends can offer might just help us deal with it. Much as it scares me to do so, I think that's a risk worth taking.
Do you?
Love
Donna.x
That was quite hard to type. It was even harder to say to my friends. I made a promise...after telling friends about my 'mini-nervous breakdown' 7 months after it happened, I promised I would tell them when life was rubbish, not after I was ok again. I was talking to another friend of mine today who does the same thing. 'I'll talk to my friends about it AFTER I've dealt with it'. Sound familiar at all?
The thing is, we might be right, other people might not be able to help. But equally we MIGHT be wrong, and the support and love and encouragement and whatever that our friends can offer might just help us deal with it. Much as it scares me to do so, I think that's a risk worth taking.
Do you?
Love
Donna.x
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
What the Hell
"Ever notice that 'What the hell' is always the right decision?" -Marilyn Monroe
Love
Donna.x
Love
Donna.x
Monday, November 12, 2007
Catching the Wind in Your Wings
I took the dog for a walk today, and was treated to the spectacle of a bird (don't ask what sort, I haven't a clue!) playing in the wind (or looking for food perhaps...who knows!). His wings flapped as he sought to catch the wind, and then he glided, until he started to lose height by losing that sweet spot where the wind carried him, he flapped 2 or 3 times to get back in the wind and continued gliding.
It was an amazing thing to watch...and got me thinking - how often do we go flapping round insanely, ignoring the fact that there is a glorious updraft there to support if only we flew a bit smarter? And once we find that updraft, we only need a few lazy maintenance 'flaps' to keep us in the flow, where we can circle effortlessly and enjoy our flight.
Sound good? Take a moment to think now about how you make your life harder by 'flapping' too much.
Love
Donna.x
It was an amazing thing to watch...and got me thinking - how often do we go flapping round insanely, ignoring the fact that there is a glorious updraft there to support if only we flew a bit smarter? And once we find that updraft, we only need a few lazy maintenance 'flaps' to keep us in the flow, where we can circle effortlessly and enjoy our flight.
Sound good? Take a moment to think now about how you make your life harder by 'flapping' too much.
Love
Donna.x
Friday, November 09, 2007
A measure of Happiness
Despite the outward circumstances of grief and shock, I am generally a happy person - this wasn't always the case, and this measure of happiness explains EXACTLY what has changed in my life...and what can change in yours to allow you to feel happier.
Happiness is not measured by outside circumstances - many wealthy, successful, famous, married people are desperately unhappy, while many poor, 'ordinary', single people are happy. Neither 'condition' is any better for happiness (even though it often seems that the new shoes will make us happier...they don't in the long run!).
The measure of happiness is whether you count what you have, or whether you count what you have not.
Today, count only what you have.
Love
Donna.x
Happiness is not measured by outside circumstances - many wealthy, successful, famous, married people are desperately unhappy, while many poor, 'ordinary', single people are happy. Neither 'condition' is any better for happiness (even though it often seems that the new shoes will make us happier...they don't in the long run!).
The measure of happiness is whether you count what you have, or whether you count what you have not.
Today, count only what you have.
Love
Donna.x
Thursday, November 08, 2007
I'm Ok Now!
No better than ok yet. After a dreadful day on Tuesday when I wasn't even interested in going to see Dave Grohl (shock! Horror!), as the week progresses, so does my mood. I have been able to laugh, genuinely and fully, and even take the piss out of myself. Improvement indeed. I even managed to hear death mentioned without a trembly bottom lip (have you ANY idea how much death is mentioned in life?!).
And again, I notice something...I am trying to rush myself back to full 'fitness' - I should have done more today, been sharper, made more stuff happen. But if I'm being kind to myself, gentle with myself, I know that I am still shattered emotionally and physically. I am recovering, but there's no use in rushing that recovery. I can only work with the energy I've got.
Remember, be kind and gentle with you. You're worth it.
Love
Donna.x
And again, I notice something...I am trying to rush myself back to full 'fitness' - I should have done more today, been sharper, made more stuff happen. But if I'm being kind to myself, gentle with myself, I know that I am still shattered emotionally and physically. I am recovering, but there's no use in rushing that recovery. I can only work with the energy I've got.
Remember, be kind and gentle with you. You're worth it.
Love
Donna.x
Monday, November 05, 2007
Permission to Feel
Hello folks...I'm back. Just about.
So, it's been a tough couple of weeks. This death in the family was totally unexpected, has come as a huge shock to us all...and left the family devastated. It was the worst funeral I have ever been to, by far...and this was the third worst news I could have had. It hasn't been my best fortnight! And today I come back to try to get back to some sort of normality, despite the numbness, confusion and 'away with the fairy'ness I feel.
I have had an immensely moving time with my family, more hugs in 1 day than we normally give in 5 years, an incredible depth of feeling which is both disturbingly painful...and somehow beautiful. So many people have been wonderfully kind - I've had so many kindnesses, and thoughts, and prayers sent my way. And I've noticed how we supress how we feel so as not to upset/inconvenience/embarrass others.
People ask how I am, how the family is...and I know they want me to say we're ok...but we're not. In the words of My Chemical Romance 'I'm not o-fucking-k'. In public, I am maintaining the facade of ok-ness, but in private, I've given myself permission to feel how I really feel. Bad. I was fortunate enough to have time to myself to absorb, reflect and wail and scream and sob...now I'm too numb to do any of that. But I'm allowing myself to feel what I feel.
I know this goes against the conventional wisdom that you should do all you can to make yourself feel better...but not by supressing what's really there - that's like laying a blanket over a volcano. Most of the time, when you allow yourself to feel what's there, it eases (or in my case, I get bored!). As with everything, there is a balance point between feeling and wallowing - only you know where you are on the scale of ignoring feeling to wallowing in it.
Just for today, allow yourself to feel how you feel without trying to 'make' it be any other way. You may be surprised at how it changes 'all by itself'. For me, I'm not o-fucking-k...and that's ok.
Love
Donna.x
So, it's been a tough couple of weeks. This death in the family was totally unexpected, has come as a huge shock to us all...and left the family devastated. It was the worst funeral I have ever been to, by far...and this was the third worst news I could have had. It hasn't been my best fortnight! And today I come back to try to get back to some sort of normality, despite the numbness, confusion and 'away with the fairy'ness I feel.
I have had an immensely moving time with my family, more hugs in 1 day than we normally give in 5 years, an incredible depth of feeling which is both disturbingly painful...and somehow beautiful. So many people have been wonderfully kind - I've had so many kindnesses, and thoughts, and prayers sent my way. And I've noticed how we supress how we feel so as not to upset/inconvenience/embarrass others.
People ask how I am, how the family is...and I know they want me to say we're ok...but we're not. In the words of My Chemical Romance 'I'm not o-fucking-k'. In public, I am maintaining the facade of ok-ness, but in private, I've given myself permission to feel how I really feel. Bad. I was fortunate enough to have time to myself to absorb, reflect and wail and scream and sob...now I'm too numb to do any of that. But I'm allowing myself to feel what I feel.
I know this goes against the conventional wisdom that you should do all you can to make yourself feel better...but not by supressing what's really there - that's like laying a blanket over a volcano. Most of the time, when you allow yourself to feel what's there, it eases (or in my case, I get bored!). As with everything, there is a balance point between feeling and wallowing - only you know where you are on the scale of ignoring feeling to wallowing in it.
Just for today, allow yourself to feel how you feel without trying to 'make' it be any other way. You may be surprised at how it changes 'all by itself'. For me, I'm not o-fucking-k...and that's ok.
Love
Donna.x
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